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Defining your relationship is an important part of any progressing, adult relationship. It is especially important when you are in a new relationship and feel totally uncertain about where your partnership is heading. Although dating without labels and khun tiffany dating certainly works for a time, and might work well for some couples, many people if not most are better able to understand and work within a relationship that has some framework or structure in place. This is especially true if you are have been involved for a few months of dating and spend more time together. Knowing that you consider one another is often important in making sure you are both satisfied and content in your relationship.

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You want to highlight your most attractive traits, but in a way that keeps her attention and sets you apart from the competition. You need to give her a reason to believe it. Remember, trust builds attraction, which increases the odds of her agreeing to meet you in person. But for most of us, it takes a little creativity to make the hours we spend between 9 and 5 sound intriguing. As in the example above, adding the part about seeing vacant lots turn into shiny new homes gives her something she can emotionally connect with.

Give her a glimpse of what being with you would be like. Your profile should always be positive, this is no place to unpack your baggage from previous relationships or hint about how lonely you are:. Having high expectations exudes confidence, and confidence is an attractive trait. No problem. Some dating sites that use longer profiles often display a short profile headline in her search results and match queue, right next to one or more of your profile pictures.

For instance, on Plenty Of Fish your headline occupies center stage. Providing one is mandatory, and if you don't treat it as an opportunity to intrigue her, she may not think the rest of your profile is worth a skim. Unless you want her to drift on to some other guy's profile, your headline needs to be compelling.

Use it as a chance to showcase your sense of humor, or hint at one of the reasons you'd make great Boyfriend Material. Want more dating profile headlines you can use right now? Check out these dating headlines for men examples, along with some do's and don'ts so you can write a custom one that really works! But the concept is the same. A good short online dating profile grabs her attention and highlights a few of your most attractive traits i. Want more inspiration? Go here for even more short dating profile examples you can copy to use on any app!

As promised, here are two instant profiles you can use right now, one for a site like Match. Just fill in the missing info and boom! This means two things: First, if you use one of them, your profile could look strikingly similar to others in your local area, and that could obviously work against you.

Second, a cookie-cutter profile is, by definition, going to be a bit generic. The best profile in the world is so unique that it would be impossible for any other guys to use it. So there you have it — examples of what to do, what not to do, and two plug-n-play profiles you can use right now. No profile writing, no back and forth messaging — just showing up to meet higher quality women than ever before?

You just need VIDA in your corner. Click here to find out how you can have dates with the women you want to meet set up for you! VIDA Select takes all the frustration, hard work and hassle out of modern dating! From a dedicated personal matchmaker to a crew of professional writers, everything will be handled for you.

Wouldn't it be nice to finally stop swiping and start dating higher quality matches so you can meet someone special? Thousands of singles have trusted VIDA Select with this incredibly important mission, and we're ready to make you our next success story. To see if you qualify, answer a few quick questions now. Skip to content. Struggling to write a dating profile that attracts women? No pressure, right? Are you always down for a good-natured debate?

Rousing convo? This format is a great way to express an unpopular opinion or slightly tease about a topic you know people feel strongly about. Got an unusual interest or passion? Your dating profile is the perfect place to reveal this little-known fact.

You may as well focus on attracting those who will jive with you than going for worldwide mass appeal. Pro tip : Before you start swiping, run your dating profile pics through Photofeeler to see how women or men are responding to them. Choosing your profile pics this way has been shown to significantly increase match rates and match quality. Dating Profile Example 1: Three things An essential rule of thumb when creating your dating profile is to think of yourself as a product.

Examples Astrid, 26 Kava enthusiast. Wannabe climber. Roomba owner. Jesse, 27 Amateur Lego builder. Terrible cook. Aspiring snowboarder. Dating Profile Example 3: Movie quote Referencing movies or tv shows is a really great way to engage on a dating app. Examples Ferrin, 25 My labelmaker is the single best purchase of my 20s so far.

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Ex: An engineer? A creative? Ex: Your contagious enthusiasm for life? A good listener? Interesting conversation about books? Boozy campfires? Raucous club outings? Your bio is just an ad, so you want to pique interest, and leave the meaty getting-to-know-you stuff for chats and dates. List three interesting things about you interests, hobbies, goals to make people curious and want to swipe right to find out more. Brevity is your friend, friend. Referencing movies or tv shows is a really great way to engage on a dating app.

Derek, 25 Life moves pretty fast. Are you always down for a good-natured debate? Rousing convo? This format is a great way to express an unpopular opinion or slightly tease about a topic you know people feel strongly about. Got an unusual interest or passion? Your dating profile is the perfect place to reveal this little-known fact. Profile makers, similarly, must through their writing style, topic selection, word choice, and register create an artifact that will attract and be judged positively by their imagined audience of desired-others.

For example, if a profile maker employs emojis, memes, and textspeak, they are likely trying to display themselves as casual, young, or cool, because they want to attract people who would judge those qualities positively. In this case, the emojis, memes, and textspeak are some of the textual cues of the profile artifact that indicate who the desired-other is for this profile maker.

They are signals for the actual audience to start self-determining if they can read themselves into the addressee role, into the imagined audience of the profile maker. Ideally, profile readers would then message the profile makers, believing themselves likely to be someone who would like and be liked based on evidence from the profile. In other words, profile readers identify themselves as legitimate members of the desired-others in the imagined audience by correctly reading themselves as the referent of the you -statements and positively judging the I -statements.

Recent research e. These distinct online communities are constituted by registered users who have various tools to interact and share content Androutsopoulos, As discussed above, along with context collapse, there are often negative repercussions for online textual posts because of a mismatch between the actual audience and the imagined audience. For instance, the tweet of a picture of a young person playing a drinking game in college in could lead to him not being hired in , along with other negative effects e.

This negative tension on social media arises because online users make public posts only thinking about their current imagined audience of auditor-addressees e. Furthermore, Litt has highlighted a need to study the imagined audience across multiple online platforms because of the different affordances they offer. Affordances represent opportunities for action; they do not compel action, but rather they are subject to what is done with them van Lier, The affordances, or the functionalities, of social network sites, such as friending, liking, or posting a video, impact how and when people communicate with their imagined audiences.

Every website has different affordances, and the particular suite of affordances for each website significantly affects how users interact boyd, , ; Hogan, ; Litt, The imagined audience on online dating sites and the dating profile affordance have been studied tangentially before e. However, they have not been examined directly on dating profiles in general or on OkCupid in particular, as far as this researcher was able to determine. Actually, the tension between the actual audience and the imagined audience on dating sites may have a positive strategic effect.

Profiles are affordances meant to distinguish between desired-others and undesired-others, so the more quickly and accurately they can get undesired users to self-deselect, the better. When a profile maker composes their profile, they may benefit the most from writing in a way that pleases and helps their desired-others read themselves into the role of addressee. Thus profiles are affected by the tension of the imagined audience, but in a way that is distinct from other social network sites.

The present study is focused on OkCupid, a popular free English-language online dating platform, as it includes an affordance a direct prompt for users to include you- statements in their profile artifact. For instance, one male user included sexually explicit wording in order to signal to the profile readers who is, and who is not, his desired-other:.

The reason I put [the language] in there is because I had some experiences where I got together [with someone], we both really liked each other, and it turned out that I was somebody who really liked sex and she was somebody that could take it or leave it. So I put that in there to sort of weed those people out.

Ellison et al. The present study is concerned with the use of you- statements on OkCupid, as they represent the most explicit device for profile makers to reach their target users and reveal their imagined audience, through describing who is and who is not wanted. These aims are pursued by addressing two research questions:. RQ1: What are the functions of you -statements, how frequently does each function occur, and how common are you -statements in general, regardless of function?

RQ2: How are you- statements used to reveal the desired-others of the imagined audience? OkCupid is an online platform where adults over the age of 18 make profiles about themselves primarily to pursue social, romantic, or sexual relationships with other adults they have not met before.

In , OkCupid had More recently, OkCupid reports that on its platform 50, dates are made every week, and over 91 million connections are made every year OkCupid, The OkCupid profile offers several affordances that allow users to self-report and edit personal details. Users can add characteristic and demographic information, for example sexual orientation, gender, relationship status e. Minimally, as of February , users must provide one picture and information on gender, orientation, and relationship status, and must select at least one goal: new friends, short-term dating, long-term dating, or casual sex.

The profile also provides eight writing prompts see Appendix. The prompts provide a structure to the profile, but users do not have to answer all prompts. The first seven prompts invite I- statements, and the eighth prompt invites you- statements. Initially, information from profiles male and female was collected. These users were single, between the ages of 25 and 35, lived within miles of the same large southern city, and were looking for long-term or short-term dating.

They were online during February Single is a self-reported status that means not currently in a relationship: unmarried, widowed, or divorced. Utilizing a dummy profile, the researcher employed the browse function to control for gender, age range, location, and stated goals seeking long-term or short-term dating in order to collect usernames.

Due to the lack of an automatized randomization method on the site, every fifth profile was sampled. The routine recorded biographical information and the responses to the writing prompts in an Excel sheet. Profiles that had not answered at least two of the writing prompts were considered unused and were deemed ineligible for this study. Following this criterion, 24 female and 20 male profiles were removed, which left female and male profiles to be analyzed, for a total of profiles.

Because privacy is especially important to online daters, multiple steps were taken to insure the anonymity of the collected profiles. All the usernames needed for the original collection of information were immediately deleted and replaced with anonymous labels, such as Male Profile 1 or Female Profile No pictures or exact locations were recorded. Further, the researcher tested the excerpt samples used in this article with various search engines to see if using the excerpts could lead back to the original profiles.

The researcher experimented with combinations of keywords, exact phrasings, long and short excerpts, and the inclusion of the site name. The searches never led back to the profiles. In addition, the researcher used the data excerpts to search using the OkCupid internal search function and other general information e.

It was also decided not to reveal the name of the city that served as the epicenter of the search radius in order to provide an additional layer of privacy. Furthermore, the method by which these data were gathered in February no longer functions, as OkCupid changed how their platform works in early This study investigates the frequency and variety of you- statements within the context of OkCupid.

The dual focus led to a mixed-method research approach MMR. Following data collection, the profiles were reviewed for tokens of you- statements. A token is a single occurrence of the target feature Ellison et al. In this case, a token was one occurrence of a you- statement. You -statements are phrases that address or involve the profile reader. As necessary, surrounding I- statements were included in the token if the you- statement required c ontext for clarity.

You -statements are sentences referring to the second person. First, there were the sentences using the pronoun you. Each excerpt was treated as one token i. Second, there were sentences using the implied you within imperatives. Each excerpt was treated as one token, for example:. Let's be adults and keep it classy. Third, in rare cases, there were sentences using the pronouns we and us inclusively of the profile reader. In those few cases, they represented a combination of referencing the first person i.

For example, the following excerpt was treated as one token:. This approach was appropriate as one aim was to establish categories for you -statements where none existed before, as far as this researcher was able to find. Each token was examined by the researcher and assigned a function; the functions were iteratively tested and refined.

More specifically, the first tokens were examined for what functions they could serve. For example, some functions were valuing honesty or being serious. After the function list was generated, the researcher went back to the start of the list and began classifying each token again according to the list.

If a token did not fit well into one of the functions, a new function was added to the list and the researcher went back to the start of the list to check the classification of each token again. Each token was treated as independent and could only be classified in one function. After all tokens were classified, a list of 20 functions had been created. Following this, the researcher revisited each token again to classify it according to the finalized list of functions.

In addition, the frequency of the profile makers who used you -statement at all was noted. Finally, the frequency of each function was calculated, and the accompanying confidence ranges were calculated. A second coder categorized the tokens into the 14 functions to determine the interrater agreement coefficient. This section reviews the frequency and functions of you -statements in detail. In addition, how you -statements are used to depict, signal, and shape the imagined audience is discussed.

Each of the profiles was analyzed for the presence of you- statement tokens. A total of profiles makers Thus, prompted You -statements may be said to be a fairly common occurrence on OkCupid profiles. This finding is aligned with the notion that affordances affect the behavior of users by providing a structure boyd, , ; Hogan, ; Litt, However, it is worth noting that The profile makers together made you -statements. As seen in Table 1, 14 functions or themes were identified during the thematic content analysis.

Each theme is listed with its associated token count and percentage. Example tokens from each theme are given below in Table 2. The most frequently-occurring themes were Interests How a section ostensibly used to describe only the profile reader can also be used to talk about the profile maker will be discussed further on. If you like negro noses and afros.

You think I am Cute Male Profile 16, 28 years old. Message Me me, im like a wal mart. I want your business : Male Profile , 31 years old. You actually have the intention of meeting up in the near future. Male Profile , 30 years old. You want to have a good conversation over coffee, dinner, or drinks. Male Profile 99, 29 years old. After reading all this you think you might be the right fit for me. Female Profile 70, 28 years old.

You love baseball points for being a Giants fan Female Profile 56, 27 years old. As seen in Table 1, bodily characteristics are discussed in two themes, Physical Qualities of the Profile Reader and of the Profile Maker; the two themes account for 29 tokens, 10 for Profile Reader and 19 for Profile Maker.

When profile makers did write about physical qualities, they were more often interested in wanting their own evaluated well, as seen in Table 2, e. Some y ou- statements reveal that OkCupid users show preferences for what they are looking for in their imagined audience, and these tokens may suggest areas commonly valued among some online daters.

A major trend among the themes is the anticipation and encouragement of future interaction accomplished through the use of the use of broadening or narrowing moves. Broadening statements are those meant to expand the pool of potential desired-others. Narrowing statements attempt to constrict or set up minimum guidelines for contacting the profile maker. This profile maker is likely trying to narrow his audience by actively discouraging other users whose interest is only casual from messaging.

You- statements in the theme We Match can direct profile readers to contact if they consider themselves a match for the profile maker. This token invites the profile readers to measure themselves against the parameters that the profile maker has outlined i. Another common pattern among all themes is a tendency for the profile makers to talk about themselves as opposed to the profile readers.

The Conversation theme contains many examples of both kinds of statements. The first token also uses a more formal register with words like conversation and critical thinking , compared to the latter, which uses more casual words, like chat and talker.

Broadening and narrowing can thus be accomplished through register, word choice, and degree of hedging. Online daters know that the actual audience those who read their profile is large and contains both the desired-others auditor-addressees and undesired-others auditor-overhearers. You- statements in general can be used as affordances to distinguish between the addressees and overhearers in the actual audience.

This section examines how you -statements can assist in distinguishing between desired-others and undesired-others. As noted before, many profile makers include several kinds of you- statements in the eighth writing prompt You should message me if… , which can send an overall mixed message, including both broadening and narrowing sentiments. The imagined audience of desired others for this profile maker includes people who are seeking a serious relationship.

By extension, the undesired-others for this profile maker include those seeking only casual relationships. The third and fourth tokens are interrelated. The fourth token is a Maker Personality one that sets up a broadening affect. Second, the use an emoticon winking face adds an air of playfulness and openness to the Message Me token.

This example shows how the mixing of you- statement themes can create a multifaceted message for profile readers. While not a guarantee of success, a profile reader who is looking for a serious relationship and is an honest and humorous person can tell that they meet some minimum set of conditions for this profile maker, which have been set out through the explicit shaping of these you -statements.

Some mixtures of you -statements create a message that describes both the profile reader and maker. Male Profile 21, 25 years old. The main focus of this message block seems to be a direct attempt to shape the desired audience by creating a litmus test for the profile readers to judge themselves by. That is, this profile maker is looking for someone who would like and be accepting of someone who is a somewhat inexperienced dater, heavy but looking to get in shape, and who likes deep conversations.

The detailing of what is wanted by the profile maker also simultaneously implies what is not wanted, which in this case is someone not alright with inexperienced daters or heavy guys. This study set out to explore the frequency and types of you- statements on OkCupid dating profiles. Speaking broadly, you- statements are a common feature on OkCupid. Although dating profiles are actually one-to-many communication, You- statements were imperatives, descriptions, invitations, and questions seemingly directed at a single, unnamed subject.

Dating profile creators make intentional choices with their language, using you- statements to shape who may or may not read themselves into their imagined audience of desired-others Ellison et al. They also describe important aspects of the profile maker e. This judgment may act as a litmus test for desired-other status. The majority of users reacted to the eighth prompt You should message me if… by including you- statements, although many also included I -statements.

Furthermore, while working with the data, this researcher observed that you- statements were also made when not prompted, that is, in the first seven prompts when only I- statements were anticipated. While users are affected by affordances and the structure they provide, as observed in this study boyd, , ; Hogan, ; Litt, , they can take initiative and co-opt affordances for their own purposes.

The number of you -statements that are about the profile maker coupled with the number of I- statements in response to a prompt nominally for you- statements provided the foundation for the following observation. Moreover, profile readers most likely treat a profile as a singular artifact, the words of each section affecting the overall impression a profile reader has of the profile maker. Thus on dating sites, the entire profile can potentially be said to differentiate between desired and undesired others.

Litt noted that this tension has had documented negative effects: professional, educational, and social fall out, such as getting fired or being publicly embarrassed e. However, the success of online daters may be related to how well they utilize this tension between the audiences. Rather than being a negative factor for online daters, this tension may facilitate getting members of the actual audience to self-select as desired-others auditor-addressees or self-deselect as undesired others auditor-overhearers.

It may be the case that the more honest and specific profile makers are about who they are and who they want, the more likely their desired-others will self-select and message them. This suggests a special relevance for the imagined audience concept on dating sites as compared to other social networks. Every statement, even ones describing the profile maker, has hidden audience selection. What distinguishes you -statements from I -statements is that they are more explicit in their audience selection by directly addressing the audience.

They contain invitations for interaction, sketch out what kind of people the profile maker is looking for, and detail potential deal breakers for the profile makers. The information encoded in you -statements is important to successful initial communication. This is meaningful, because interaction on dating sites has real stakes in the formation of interpersonal relationships.

You -statements have the potential to be a crucial affordance for online dating communication. Increasingly, dating apps e. If the text of dating profiles particularly you -statements carries critical information that leads to more successful interactions, this has several implications for both online daters and online dating website and app developers.

First, readers of profiles should pay special attention to what is addressed to the reader. Second, profile makers should consider addressing the audience at least to some extent, regardless of whether or not there is an affordance for this. When addressing the audience, profile makers should privilege information important to themselves. The more personalized and honest the information, the better the litmus tests will be for readers to self-select as desired others or self-deselect as undesired others.

Finally, designers of online dating websites and apps should consider including an affordance that prompts for you -statements because of their potential communicative power. Some limitations of this study should be noted. First, the profiles collected do not necessarily represent all users of OkCupid or all people who participate in online dating.

For example, all examined profiles were from users between the ages of 25 and 35; it is unclear if younger or older users behave the same way. Future research could expand the study to focus on different age groups, sexual orientations, or gender identities. A second limitation is that this study only examined responses to the eighth prompt. A deeper understanding of how the imagined audience is revealed could be achieved by analyzing profiles as whole units for how I -statements and you -statements are used to narrow and broaden.

Third, this study did not systemically examine the linguistic structure of you -statements, such as comparing imperatives verses declaratives; this could add further nuance to understandings of language use in dating profiles. Finally, the validity of future studies on dating profiles could be increased by having follow-up interviews with profile makers to talk about their language choices and experiences with getting their desired-others to message them.

Finally, future research could compare dating sites to other social media environments where the content producers are trying to get members of the actual audience to self-select or deselect. I would like to thank Dr. Ran Wei from Rutgers University for his help in designing the routine to collect the user information. I would also like to extend gratitude to Kristin Quach from the Middlebury Institute of International Studies for her help as my second data coder.

Thanks are also due to my anonymous reviewers for Language Internet for their helpful comments and recommendations. Androutsopoulos, J. Languaging when context collapse: Audience design. Discourse Context and Media , 4 5 , Attitudes toward online dating grow more positive. Available from www. Barnes, S. A privacy paradox: Social networking in the United States. First Monday , 11 9 , Bell, A.

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I know the post was and forth messaging - just showing up to meet higher to make you our next. Not sure how other dating. Want to know more??. I can see the mountain, info and boom. Can you give some tips be blessed with the lady can copy to use on. Referencing movies or tv shows stupid with my lack of. I find the opposite is. He has stimulated my sense. I see a bit of but no dice. List three interesting things about how you can have dates with the women you want down are better than being.

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