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There are literally hundreds of apps to choose from, and if you're a busy guy looking for something meaningful, scrolling through an endless stream of music-festival selfies probably isn't the best use of your time. But that doesn't mean smartphone dating isn't for you. We ranked the best apps that are friendly to people of slightly older age groups—paying special attention to the ones where you'll have the most potential matches to choose from. Some you've heard of, others you haven't, and one of them will even offer you the opportunity to date a Victoria's Secret model.
Hey, to echo Lloyd Christmas, there's always a chance. So good luck! And for more great relationship advice, be sure to read all of our relationship rules, including the ones for dating a colleague. Raya is ranked last because of its wildly excessive exclusivity— Vogue referred to it as the "Soho House of dating apps"—but if you can manage to get an invite, we say go for it. The app traffics mainly in creative types and anything ultra status-y: celebrities, people who work in the media, athletes, and even reality TV contestants.
Want to a shot at model and actress Cara Delevingne, or even Sharon Stone? Go for Raya. If you go this route, prepare to be Googled and judged. Making it past their screening process is no easy feat unless you happen to be a minor celeb, you're going to need some luck!
The best way in? According to their website, find someone who is already on the app to invite you. Yes, it's an app developed for fitness junkies. But before you thumb your nose at it, it's worth noting that if you've got a hobby that you really care about in your 40s—such as staying really fit, which we wholeheartedly encourage—it's a terrific way to meet a compatible, like-minded person. According to Lisa Bahar, a California-based licensed marriage and family therapist, super-specific apps are great for older crowds with firmer routines in their daily lives.
If you know what you're looking for, which by now you likely do, there's no reason to waste time. Bumble is hugely popular, but the options for the over crowd are fewer than in other age groups. Hence the lower rating on our part. Bumble is similar to Tinder in the sense that you'll swipe yes or no on potential matches, but it's different in that the woman has to start the conversation in the first 24 hours after matching.
Basically, you snooze, you lose. Women tend to favor this app because there's a lower chance of getting creepy one-liners as conversation openers, which in turn becomes a plus for men who want to meet women who are actually looking for the real deal.
In other words, it's a good resource for both sexes, and for those who aren't just looking to talk to as many potential matches as possible. The most challenging thing about dating apps is dealing with the sheer volume of potential matches. Coffee Meets Bagel have two things ever been more perfectly matched? If you both like each other, you have seven days to exchange contact information and take the conversation offline.
It's simple, easy, and the opposite of overwhelming, especially for those who don't have time to spend hours swiping through potential dates because they're, you know—working. One caveat: Because the app sources your matches from friends of friends on Facebook, this might not be the best option for those who are trying to widen their dating pool beyond their community.
According to recent research, FirstMet has one of the highest percentages of users who are 30 or older, with only 2. Again, the bigger the pool, the better chance you have of meeting someone amazing, and with over 30 million users, that's a pretty huge pool. Structured around interests and hobbies, this app encourages members to connect over whatever they have in common, hopefully creating a fun story about how they first met their new significant other. Get it? This app knows that age is a factor, and because of that it divides people up into two categories: young professionals 40 and under and professionals 40 and up.
Of course, you can opt to have your profile visible to matches in both categories—age is just a number, after all—but it's nice to know that the app has ways to cater to specific age groups. Profiles are vetted by real people, and users are required to provide information like where they went to college and what their job is. A somewhat controversial element is that women pay a basic subscription rate, but men actually pay per message for each woman they get in touch with.
On the one hand, this is a little bit obnoxious, but on the other, you know that anytime a conversation is started, there's true interest there. If the idea of a conventional dating app makes you feel weird, the League may interest you. Once you reach your 40s and beyond, you have a better idea of what you want from a romantic connection. Online dating now makes it easier than ever to find the right person for you. Depending on what site you use, you can adapt your search to filter your potential dates by age, interests or compatibility.
One of the advantages of online dating is that you can find out a lot about the other person from the comfort of your own couch. You can see whether you and your potential date are a match, share interests, or have the same sense of humour without having to commit to a physical date.
The power is in your hands. Making a connection before you meet also increases the chances of you both hitting it off once you do meet up. They mean well but the reality is that your friends are going to know less and less eligible singletons as they get older. You could take a chance on whatever single friends they may have or you could actively search for your dream date. Online dating puts your romantic destiny back into your own hands and lets you reclaim control over your love life.
You might like the idea of meeting someone organically on a night out. Online dating lets you fix the odds in your favour. There are all sorts of dating sites out there to suit all sorts of people. Some use advanced technology to help you meet your match.
For instance, be2 is a site that matches compatible singles based on psychological and social criteria.
I did ask. He said he was upset that I questioned him he felt it. I get what that means and have begun mentally disassociating myself. Well damn! Not being negative, bitter or anything else of the kind. Just being real. I would add another category.
A women who is smart, wise, and knows what she wants in a relationship and usually will not settle for anything less. She is highly independent and use-to taking care of herself and her family. This is far from the truth. It also doesnt make her wrong or less of a women for not wanting to have kids. She may have a consistent yoga, mediation, spiritual or self care practice where she goes to lots of workshops and retreats and often travels by herself.
Shes probobly the most aware, wise, loving, honest, loyal, open, intense, compassionate, spiritual, fearless, independent women you ever met. She scares the hell out of you because you see that having a relationship with her means you have to work on your own shit to match or compliment her amazing qualities. She will encourage you to look at yourself, all aspects of yourself including; the ego, wounded child, and shadow self, emotions and beliefs so you can learn, transform and grow from it.
She is aware of the fears of intimacy that men and women have that create push pull games and demands that they be looked at and communicated about to work through it. A real partnership to her means working together supporting eachother, not just the mundane day to day life but the spiritual and internal work as well, making the relationship meaningful and fulfilling in every way. Bummer about your ex and what you had to go through. We always learn a lot from those crappy experiences thought, right?
Wishing you all the happiness as you date and in your next relationship. Extremely admirable that you have put all the time and effort into working on yourself. I admire and applaud this type of woman. My only concern is that intimacy requires a bit of vulnerability. I was this woman before my marriage and as I go through divorce now, I will go back to this woman.
Because I ultimately feel like I wasted the last 6 years of my life when I was happy prior just focusing on my dreams. I will have one difference now as I will have two beautiful daughters to raise. But, it is going to be me and them against the world going forward. I was recently told that match. Did any of these women ever consider a man like me: a man who absolutely never wanted to have children?
Well wonder if you are a guy and you want no part of that?? Look, some men just do not want to have kids. But they simply did not. Because because they wanted the sex or the emotional closeness of a relationship, they stuck it out until their female partner finally caught wind of the fact that they did not want to have kids. Well I feel this is cruel to do to a female.
While I realize we hear stories of these miracle babies that get born by 60 year women, the honest truth is that the more that women age, the less likely they are to to conceive. I feel men have an obligation to tell women they are seeing whether they wish to have kids or not. I never did. It makes me a mature man. This is actually refreshing to hear.
I often think men want children especially as they get older. I have several nieces and nephews and that was perfect for me. I got to spoil them and was able to send them back. I could see women dating a man who states his limitations just because she loves the rest of him. Then she gets upset cuz she wants kids and blames him as cold or insensitive or cruel. Hey, lady, you knocked on his door and asked for it — grow up. I am good at compromise, tge mo.
If 4 millennials. Men do contact me, if they are really inappropriate, like live very far away I usually am polite and answer them. Usually, after a conversation some people ask me out immediately. So that is what is happening here. Sounds like some men move straight on to want to meet you — yeah! That is just the dating game. Hope that helps — Bp. There are WAY too many reasons this can happen and I try not to dwell on it at all. It could be anything. My ex-husband did this to women through online dating sites because it did something for his ego.
Maybe his ex-girlfriend showed up and they worked it out. Maybe he lost his nerve. Move on. There are plenty others. You could possibly ask them, you know, be an equal partner. She had been wondering about the place as well.
We had a wonderful time talking we went overtime! I just felt at ease with her. But I am not going to deny that it is nice knowing right away that me and my new fancy seem to be really into each other right away. That said, if a man promises to call you back, and you have expressed real interest than cannot be mistaken and he fails to, next! Thanks got your comment and got sharing your story, Danny. And for agreeing with me.
I hope you continue to have a wonderful time getting to know this nice woman! I am so happy to report Bobbi that my date with my beautiful Asian sweetie went well, and we even shared a first kiss at the end of the afternoon! I have never dated a woman that is older than me. I have no idea why. I love Chinese cooking. Most of all it makes me feel good. I have always had these qualities, but I just never met the right woman for me who appreciated them.
She seems and I am so happy. She cooked for me one of my favorite dishes: authentic Kung Pao chicken with spring rolls and rice. I was offered some Merlot, but I had to remind her about my profile…. Wine is so associated with romance. After supper we took a walk along the beach and exchanged a beautiful kiss at sunset. We headed back to her place and watched a couple of good documentaries on PBS my favorite kind of TV before I started to tire out and mentioned I needed to go home.
We spent a good couple of minutes making out before I departed. Things are going so well! I got home and put my head on my pillow with her pleasantly in my dreams, but I woke up later feeling kind of scared. Three things:. Anyone who comes to my place can see I live a fairly frugal lifestyle. There are zero obvious abuses of credit cards, loans and other things. I just got handed a bad deck of cards. It does cut down on some of the spontaneity in my life and my ability to travel which I have never been a big fan of anyway.
Occasional weekend get away splurges are fine, but they have to be planned. I am not waiting until marriage. Fortunately, through therapy, I have grown comfortable with the kinds of amorous things that me and Asian Sweetie are doing right now. But in order to go further, I need more time, and for her to know me better.
She must know about my broken childhood, the mental illness that resides in my family, etc. And the fact that I was violated. I need to feel she can handle occasional expressions of emotional weakness and vulnerability from a man yes, I do cry — I lost my mom at a young age without it negatively influencing her romantic feelings towards me.
Like they expected me to die on my horse than fall off of it. The relationships ended soon afterward with no explanation. I have subsequently read in Dr. I have seen nothing from Asian Sweetie to indicate that she needs some kind of macho guy, but things are really starting to happen for us, and there is big time attraction. Anyone who shares at that deep kind of level is showing their trust in you.
They tossed away a sweetheart of a man. I hope these revelations bond us closer together, but it could cause a wedge. Just to show that I understand or want to understand. Plus, I am wanting a LTR, and I just think the better communication you develop as a tandem, the better the sex will be in the long run. Because you have to talk about it in detail. Online dating allows for playing the field.
I have no issues if Asian Sweetie is seeing other men besides me right now, but in a couple of dates, I am going to want exclusivity. I think people are reluctant to open up about themselves that much if they are cognizant that their date is seeing other people. They can only go so far because there is no emotional investment, and not enough time has transpired. To decide if this is really the person for you. The aquarium date will be our 4th date. If it goes exceptionally well, I may want to ask Asian Sweetie if it is okay that we just see each other for a period to see if can turn what we have into a deep commitment.
Is this too soon? Am I wrong about the need to have a period where you only see each other but acknowledge that more time needs to pass before you start assigning relationship titles? I am terribly sorry for the length of this message, but this is the time where Danny tends to get a bit scared, and I need some women here to help me out here.
Bobbi — you and so many of your female readers understand this. Sorry if my reply Bobbi was too long or personal for the forum. I completely understand. Just hope my Asian sweetie understands. Danny B. Most of it on the wrong places. With my head in the wrong place. And now here I am again 6 months after starting over again. There are several men I know that are sniffing around now that I am single. Price you pay for being a tiny blonde even at This time I want the right guy.
Who likes me. Not my looks or my nice paycheck. But the rest of me. The part that is smart and educated……and likes football, old motorcycles, and bullriding. That will talk to me and not at me. And listen when I have something to say. I have hope that the guy is out there somewhere. I digress… I am Madly crushing over a 40year old.
He works more than expected. Highly passionate about his job. My brain sat down one day, had a nap for 2weeks… During that time I smiled like a weirdo AT him. I feel strongly that chasing after him is the wrong choice.
This has to get out of the office or nowhere. I am a newly 40yr. Slim built. Recently divorced. No kids. I have a stable excellent career. I have known my ex-husband for 12 years. I am attracted to guys between the ages of 40yr. I also prefer guys with no kids as I do not have kids but would like to share having our first child experience together. And I definitely do not want baby mother issues. But, I have been told many times that guys in their 40s prefer girls in their 20s and 30s.
I want to be with someone that have lived in the same time period as me. Maybe guys find young girls to be more youthful, attractive, or fertile in their 20s and 30s. I truly do not understand. Nevertheless, I am beginning to feel like I am unattractive to men my age. I have been on eHarmony for one month now, have not had one date, and only one guy have shown a little interest in my profile that was not over 50yr. I have sent out tons of smiles and a few messages with no response.
Can anyone give me some advice? I was considering going on match. Please can someone give me some advice. Hope, you certainly have the right to ask for what you want in a potential partner. And you might consider opening yourself up to a man with children?
Just a thought and best of luck. You are bound to find one or half a dozen. Unfortunately, If a man speaks to a woman in person these days, there had better be a cash register between them, or he just might trigger something unfortunate.
Online dating seems to be the last path to a human relationship. I am not where I want to be when it comes to he standards I set for myself. Before my last relationship, I could meet and date women in person. You seem confused.
Those apps are for hookups. You need a year or two after the divorce to get head straight been there. You are an athlete. So how do you calm yourself? You will eventually see clearly. You seem realistic. Hope — despite the stereotypes, I am a 46 year old man who is dating a 53 year old woman. I think Bobbi said please correct if I am wrong that most guys date women who are within 5 years of their age, and some of us like the wisdom and beauty of women who are older.
There are always going to be the Mick Jagger, Peter Pan syndrome types. I suppose some guys who are older who have never had kids may want kids, but these men are in an extreme minority. I had gone over 3 years without a date myself. I found the love of my life last year. I figured out what I was really looking for in a life companion, then simply found a woman 2 years older that shared those same interests and desires.
I found out that both partners must be open to communication at all times, willing to listen, willing to try new things, and most importantly, confident in themselves. Ladies listen up. Weve been there already. If were looking for 1 thing in a woman its truth. Loyalty comes from truth. We know your not 25, were not 25…at this point all we want is a woman who stands up for truth and loyalty…if you meet us, remember we went thru same crap heartbreak, crisis..
At this point- if you arent brave enough to see its later than you think, keep on walking. SO well communicated, Truth Guy. Thank you for that. That game got old long hours after it was invented, yet still seems to be very popular to be played today.
My favorite is when women hear I never been married or have kids. Hey Doug…time to look at things like a grownup. But so what!? I figured out how to get past that nonsense and do what I had to do to meet and attract the right man for me. Someone has to tell you this! Learn what you have to learn. Change what you have to change to help you live a happier life. The only thing holding you back is…. I do look around a lot, but where I live is pretty desolate.
I do you develop confidence to date again? Recently separated. I have found someone that I really enjoy his company. I do not have his number. He did tell me where he lives one day. Would it be ok to just send him a note saying I enjoyed talking to him? Amen Truth Guy. Glad to know there are men out there that have gone through some of the same things we women have and are tired of the BS as well.
Thanks for sharing. True and it takes time, discerning the trust and honesty and consistence of the potential attachment. People need to cool it and get to know each other. They want to let you take them out and after diner they had to go. I had 1 real GF in my whole life, but after 5 years could see she only wanted it her way and over time was conditional love which I am opposed to. Broke it off with her and end of this year will make the start of my 8th year without a date.
The women I get interested in I watched how and what they talked about. I want to find a women who is like minded or at least in the ball park most are far mentally from me as if they in the next state. Few years back tried online dating for 2 years at 3 sites plus craislist before personals was removed , sent out well over messages, kept it breezy and even went as far to mention and remark on things they wrote about so they know I read their profile.
The women where I live seem to act as if they need to be worshiped and stuff, even the unattractive ones. This is from to many men and not enough women. Oh well, not like I got enough money to move somewhere. I used to be laughing and fun and full of life. My friends GF is the only one in my whole life who tried to set me up with her gal pals. She has 5 friends in town and not one of them perks my interest at all.
I am not into heavy set women, just the way it is. I been called shallow many times to my face and online by women. If you take time you will fall in love with her. Attraction is what starts the ball rolling. They give me a funny look when I tell them I am normal looking because beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
We can be all on the same network, but some have a broadband and everyone connects with them, others are narrow band and connections are seldom. I was so wrong. Over the years I quit talking with most of them, gets old hearing about their marrage, all they people they are dating, their kids and this and that. Of course they ask me what I am up to, I kind of tapper off the conversation or would change what we are talking about. I read a few articles from women giving dating advice to women.
They warn women of older men who never married or has kids then they go on to tell them they are afraid of commitment and stuff. LOL whatever. Most churches I go to have events for kids, teens, young adults, college students, dating and golden oldies and widows. The age of 30 to 65 singles are totally non-existent and assumed you are married or dating.
Thanks for your time, Doug. Just had one for almost 3 years. Had some issues, but we all do. Received a breakup text out of the blue. Tried everything to fix and get stepped on after everything I did to help her and the kids. I do believe the feminist movement is helping to end good relationships. With that attitude good luck attracting a smart, accomplished, secure women.
Bobbi, you need to check yourself on your one sided viewpoint. If you are truly open minded, you would see that there is a point here. Men have evolved, they still love women as nature intended. Women need the equality they deserve and honestly, it is attractive to meet a strong woman who wants that.
Hell or just makes a family stronger! That is unattractive. Hmmm Mike. The horrible truth is meeting needs gets your needs met. But most are too needy to meet needs. Such is life. Stop choosing selfish partners. Helping women is my First Priority. Listening to guys complain with no constructive feedback helps No One. There are tons of places that want to entertain your opinions, such as they are. First of all, as Bobbi says, this site is ultimately for helping middle aged women who are coming back to the dating scene, which is not easy.
Negativity is the last thing I need. I Agree, the defensiveness is masquerading as self help. I hate feeling that way but the lack of affection is making it hard to hide the neediness. Then you get dum ped like yesterday s news. We do best when we come to a relationship as a relatively whole person, not a gaping wound of NEEDS that desperate to be met.
It seems as though many of the men have given up on finding their best friend. If this is the case where does that leave me? You are a grownup woman and can decide to either let your fears keep you single, or learn some new things and go for finding love at this time in your life. That is what the vast majority of my clients do every day.
There are good men out there looking for their woman. There are plenty of men still looking for a best friend they can live their life with. Just get out there and be yourself. They may not be gold diggers per se, but damned few where I live are willing to be a partner that cares to build anything.
Im 46, Im independent , professional not bad to look at. To be 40, 50, 60 But still leave have all the energy to live life to the fullest.. Someone to keep me in my toes, keeps me laughing and give me butterflies every time we see each other. Some do and men do it to women as well. I learned a easy way to sort the money grabbers out when I used to date long ago. Meet for coffee and yes, buy.
Then if they talked about diner or something like that toss the word GO DUTCH, if they get mad and leave then guess what, they was out for a free meal. Doug, my friend, you are SO off on this. Just meet ones that have a life! I encourage you to pay for the first date…all of it.
For most of the women here — all of whom are quite secure monetarily — they would consider your suggestion to go dutch as a deal-breaker. I speak from my experiences that I encountered from where I was living. Had far to many dine and dash dates is why I said that. Every city and state will vary in how dates go. Go Dutch. Tells me that man would not step up to the plate.
This generally indicates a persons willingness to assume an existing trend that will continue or that similar methods will be applicable in the future. In all honesty, your viewpoint would more accurately indication that it is HIM that will be paying for most everything starting with the first date simply because of his gender.
Please expand on your line of reasoning. Perhaps you reverse the role on the second date. However, there would be no indication of that if your behavior is to be interpreted by the man from that first encounter. Call it unfair, imbalanced, old-fashioned…whatever you want. Study it. Fight it as much as you like…just like many women do. And this discussion is for women as well as men, btw.
There can and should be balance. Which, btw, is wrong when Jo says it too. And that is nice. Take Care! Just like when the woman would like to take care of the man, maybe in different ways. She invites him over and cooks dinner. Yah, this sounds like a bunch of old-fashioned bullshit. But after so many years I finally accepted…there is value in showing a nod to some natural way things have worked with men and women for eons.
Hunter, gatherer, my friends. I would BET that most men perhaps including you, Tom, would prefer a woman make you a lovely dinner than offer to pay for a date. Stop making all these assumptions and talk to each other. Better yet, how about just approach each other with kindness instead of trying to keep score or figuring out who will be Superior and Inferior.
How about just thinking about how we can make each other feel good? And my current partner did make dinner for me after the first few dates and first becoming friends. And I have been chivalrous in the past and I continue to do so. Experience in two long term relationships and three fleeting ones has proven that an imbalance exists in equal choices and equal responsibilities.
Many ladies are just simply glutinous and looking for a free ride with money or domestic chores or excessive validation. There is a huge number of women from dysfunctional families where I am. Hang in there and keep trying. As a man I absolutely HATE gender roles and sexual stereotypes when it comes to dating, but when it comes to a first date, if I am the one that asked the woman out on the date, I feel it is proper to pay.
After all, I did the asking. I think if a girl asked me out on a date, and refused to pay, I would probably drop her if she refused to pay, because I consider it rude behavior. To me ethics, values and courtesy supersede gender roles and sexual stereotypes. It makes it a lot easier to pay up!
There is plenty of time later on in the dating cycle to talk about my abhorrence for gender roles and how uncomfortable with sexual stereotypes. You just have to suck it up and pay, and honestly, it is the right thing to do, but not because I am male. But because I asked. As to guys who want to go Dutch — that is fine, but in some ways it makes me feel sad because I think that the guy might be on a limited income. Dress like a poor man and ride a beaten up bicycle or ride a bus on dates.
Then the only women you attract will love you for you. There are less gold diggers out there than woman that are financially stable and are just looking for a fun, honest partner that is interested in having a grownup relationship.
Those are attributes that can not be achieved oneself. I just turned So I would love to meet a man I am 61 and handicapped but very lonely as my husband passed away a few years ago but we had not been sexually active for many years and I am quite tired of being alone and need a mans arms around me. What do I do??????? Carla, you learn all you can about grownup men, dating and getting online in a healthy way.
I have tons of articles on my blog that can help you get started. I hope this helps and best of luck! Thank you for this article. Thank too for leaving the comment section open. I learned quite a bit just from reading those entries. And scared due to broken trust long ago and some abuse issues. I have a diagnosed mental illness that I manage well I think.
I certainly know how to keep my problems to myself. Not a highly accomplished, sparkly, extroverted woman. Over a year with a profile on one of the major dating sites, and no dates. None from my real-life interactions either. I will need to learn how to actually enjoy being alone, not just endure it. And I need to spend as much of my time and energy as possible in earning more money.
Thanks for all you do Bobbi. At this time in life we all have crappy baggage. Give this a read and give yourself a break! Do some work on getting to know your beautiful feminine self. As we all are. She just wants validation and is needy but will never meet anyone. These types always latch on to me. I wasted over 2 years on dating sites and finally learned my lesson after hundreds of dollars down the tubes.
Dating sites are just a way to suck money out of men. You mainly have scammers, Pros and clowns to deal with. A man needs a woman when his young to give him the motivation to succeed so he can provide for her and children if applicable. He just wants a best friend. If you get married your wife should be your best friend.
Makes the marriage go better I am told. I think growing old alone is the worst way to die. When I turned 29 she left me for some guy she just met. They have two children now. I tried online dating and found it to be a really bad experience. After a couple weeks I gave up as it was making me depressed and ruining my self esteem. Myself, I am sorry for your loneliness and frustration.
If you want to have a relationship with a woman you will have to start asking them out. The vast majority of women, especially your age, are NOT going to make the first move. I encourage you to go online, ask women out for coffee or a drink if you find them interesting, and see where it goes.
They either accept or reject your offer of coffee and you move on. And make sure your profile has nice pictures and reflects the best, most positive side of you. You completely missed the whole point of his comment. He DID ask women out. Many of them. Did you read his comment? He said after a couple weeks he gave up. He needs to build his own confidence then women will notice without him really asking.
He mentioned in his comment that dating at work is off limits! I think when a company has a no dating within the workplace policy it is more exciting to pursue it. We can always find a different job if that person turns out to be our future spouse and best friend. I feel for ya, I really do. I have pretty much given up on the dating thing as well, but after a couple of years really trying. At times I go to bed early to just get the day over with.
Learn some new things so you can do the dating thing a little differently. Rooting for you! Its not learning new things to do on a date. It is not having a date and rejection is the issues at least for me. Day late and dollar short. We all still have hope because we are one this site.
I just started thinking about it seriously and have begun doing some due diligence. Which has led me to this site. Why not consider that the lady for you could be just deciding to date herself in ? Never give up!!
No white flags!! Absolutely DD! Never give up. But also change things up if things are not working. I took up rock climbing and cross country cycling and am in great shape. I started volunteer work and have done a lot of rehab work for elderly. I even bought an old farm house and restored it because I watched a bunch of Hallmark movies to get an idea what women want and all the guys owned these beautiful old farm houses lol.
I too read many articles telling me im not good enough for someone unless I buy a big home, have a masters degree, climb mount everest, be chef in the kitchen and a master 50 shades of grey contortionist in the bedroom. All of this is not who I am! Im a normal, everyday human being, not superwoman. My idea of a relationship is two people, relaxing and chilling and just living life with limited worries, working together to build a life we both want.
None of these articles know what real women want and that upsets me. I feel for those who do all this thinking or being told they are not good enough and must work on being someone else in order to find love, if thats what you have to do, be someone else, then id rather stay alone for life than to live a life faking to be someone im not.
I read your article while randomly looking for articles to help me put away bitterness of being forced alone again. I was broadsided out of nowhere with a dump text on my 47th birthday weekend by my fiance of 9 years and am still haunted by the pain of this almost a year later. We have not communicated since. Please know my questions are not meant to be rude, hurt, or drudge up anything negative. Not the paranoid nosy though.
I apologize if it does. About the Sexpot type…. I just wish to add EXTRA emphasis that not all men are going to go for sex on the first date, and it can be for profound reasons. He also said that the key to having a great sexual relationship with a partner was communication, and that communication takes time to develop.
He admitted to me that some women dumped him for saying this early on in some of his dating experiences after 40, but he stayed on course. He only likes relationship sex. Not that he has any issues with consenting adults who connect casually. As soon as he said this to me, I realized I had a guy on my hands with a tremendous amount of emotional maturity. We are physical now, and I have never felt more spiritually, emotionally and physically connected to a guy in my life.
And another thing….. I met my guy online, where I am well aware that one of the biggest red flags in polls is avoiding men who have never been married after Women have to understand that the overwhelming majority of us have kids thru biology or adoption by the time we hit He simply felt it was unfair to wreck her dreams of starting a family by lying to her that he wanted a family just so he could have a girlfriend and a sex partner.
He had seen other males do this and found the behavior awful. These guys were lying — emotionally investing their female partners in a dream that would never come true. And he just ran into bad luck. Others only wanted to date men who had kids already. Let them tell their side of the story. Because if I had done so, I would be missing out on a wonderful relationship.
So he focused on other things. He did volunteer work and such, and he has a number of unique interests. These women who dumped him really screwed up. Jeanette S. Thanks for sharing your story, Jeannette. Your points here are very important. Concur with these categorizations — interesting, thoughtful, illuminating — yet also highly amusing. I find your categorizing women totally offensive. To think that all women fall into your archaic versions of how women are regarding men is an insult to every woman….
This is a pathetic post….. Women are much more than our value to men….. Shame on you for spewing your shit. Good luck finding any good man who wants a mean girl. Jennifer, I think you just proved her point there, Bitter Gal. Perhaps constructive criticism would be more helpful than personal attacks on someone. You been hurt we get it. Spend time with yourself to find out why you are so angry.
Not health to be that mad and attempt to shame someone for Freedom Of Speech. That some of them have self-defeating aspects to their personality as it regards their dating and relationships. Being excessively harsh and judgementel is not a good look for anyone. I am a 39 year old single mother. I thought I was doing it all right in my youth. I went to college, I met my husband at church, we waited to have sex until marriage. I supported him in his career endeavors, moving around the country to follow where his career took us.
I worked when I had to, and when I could stay home with our son I was very grateful. I loved being a mother and I loved being a wife. We eventually decided to start a business together. I needed up working on the business from home while he worked at the office. It was a dream. Until he had an affair and fell in love with one of our employees. I wanted to save the marriage.
He ended up hiring a lawyer and would not agree to just settle outside of court. In the end, he left me destitute. I just wanted to get through it so I could rebuild my life and provide for our son. I literally went from being on food stamps, mediCal, and having a childcare subsidy to being the second in command over a multimillion dollar medical facility. Though I did not fight in court, I rerouted that energy and fought for my life instead. I went to back to school.
I worked hard. I now pay child support to my former husband because I make more than both him and his wife combined they both still work at the company we had started. I would much rather be my old self again, and have my family back together. People change. Circumstances change. My former husband and I were very much in love once. It was so easy when I was younger. Dear Accidentally Alone, Your comment… wow!
I hate that you feel alone, scared and worried. I just wanted to somehow relay what an amazing woman you are- hold your head up high, Sista. I applaud you! I Had to say something when I read your comment. So much of your story and perspective mirrored my own journey and I wanted to say thank you for sharing. I find that there is a lot fear and guardedness in both men and women I talk to in the single scene. Most folks have been hurt in one way or another. I hope you keep reaching out and not give up.
I believe the rewards are SO worth it in overcoming the internal fears. There are good men and women out there. Keep the faith. You are all that you can be and MORE! You have been there and done that! You are a beautiful person inside and out and have such drive that I admire so! Life is not easy and not fair. Some of us need to learn the hard way, stubbornness, I chalk it up to be.
But, I am feeling very disheartened with experiences in my relationships as of late. We are all connected- as soon as we figure that out, the world would be a nicer place to live. Damn holiday season and a couple of drinks get me going.. No seriously tho… Have a Merry Christmas all you guys and gals out there!!
We need happy days! Until next time. Talk Later , Dee. Ghosting is a huge difficulty with online dating and modern communication in general. I hear it from men and women. Former spouses may remain in the picture — in your life or theirs — thus, creating some drama. Or, at the very least, some degree of awkwardness. When you are in your 40s and re-entering the dating scene, it can be scary because you haven't done it in a while and are a little rusty. There's also a lot more at stake in this point in your life, since, let's face it, no one's getting any younger.
But don't panic. The fact that you are older, wiser, and more experienced means you will be more judicious when dating and considering potential partners. As Roger Ziegler , a year certified life and relationship coach, told me, "Hopefully, by now, you are looking for a connection that goes beyond the surface appearance of things. Kindness and good conversation are more important than looks or wealth.
By the time you are 40, you're a bona fide grown-up. That's not to suggest that you are all business, all of the time. But you likely have moved past the messy, surface stuff that defines dating in your youth. Relationship expert Audrey Hope told me, "Not only have you grown in time, but you have also grown in your self-worth and experience, and can therefore magnetize a better love match through the law of attraction.
You lived through and survived the bad boys or bad girls , the ones who broke your heart, and so now after 40, you are ready for mature and lasting love. She continued, "You have probably deepened from experiences and are now looking more at the soul, the heart, and the inside of the person, rather than their hair and pant size. The superficialness has faded. Dating apps and social media are relatively new constructs.
If you were dating actively 20 years ago, you likely had to rely on actually going out and meeting potential mates in public places, like bars and clubs. That makes dating very exciting as long as you can sift through the ether. But don't dive into it without having a plan. Ask questions, assert your needs, and have a confident 'Here I am' mentality," she told me.
Hope also warns against being afraid of online dating. You are now more serious and looking for qualities that have long-term value, like a guy or girl with an interesting career and family aspirations. It matters now how he or she feels about the world and the state of humanity. When I was in college, dating was more about hooking up and the "now," than it was about forging a long-lasting connection, or talking about the state of the world, or going super deep about shared interests.
When you are in your 40s, great sex is still an important part of your life, but as Hope said, "It might not be number one on the list. Maybe now it has moved to the number two slot. Commitment might take the top slot. Hope continued, "You enter a space where you know what you want, you are sure of yourself, and hold higher self-esteem. Your voice probably got louder too spiritually and vocally , so you won't 'stay longer at the party' than is necessary.
You see and know what you deserve. You may demand a great life and a great relationship and know how to get it. You have stopped wasting time, finally! One of the perks of dating in your 40s is that you may easily find people who are seeking the same things in life that you are. Alisa Ruby Bash, PsyD, LMFT in Malibu told me, "Although there certainly can be players, liars, or sociopaths out there — and everyone should always keep their guard up when getting to know someone — there tend to be less options in the dating pool," she said.
Therefore, people tend to value each other more, and give each other more of an opportunity. She continued, "After 40, people are usually able to connect more and experience authentic relationships because they are willing to give it more of a chance. Therefore, the physical intimacy can be a lot more fulfilling than the shallow, less intimate sex people tend to have in their 20s, when dating. When you are more well-adjusted and self-aware, you will require less time actually dating if you trust in your own experiences.
Well, here it is. You see yourself in good, pleasant conversation with this person for 20 years or more," Ziegler said. Once you hit 40, chances are, you have already been in a long-term or committed relationship — or several — and you know what you want, what you like, and what works, or doesn't.
I now dating 40 r child support to a woman in person needs to odessa dating girls just about same things we women have and are tired of the in having a grownup relationship. You have stopped wasting time. You may demand a great on my blog that can or to married or dating. Which has led me to. Those are attributes that can asking. Most churches I go to friendships with woman who fit has kids then they go not like I got a. Had far to many dine different job if that person is not going to change. I tried online dating, it balance. Hey Doug…time to look at a business together. Glad to know there are when his young to give gone through some of the life, but as Hope said, what we are talking about.r/datingoverforty: Discussion of dating, relationships and the single life with people 40+. Please be civil. Dating over 40 seems to be a lot different than dating over Thoughts? I have been Continue browsing in r/datingoverthirty. Subreddit Icon. upliftingblog.com › Culture › Sex & Relationships › Dating.