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Their solution? Having a safe word. He says after dating an introvert for a while, you might not need a safe word. Earnheardt says. Dan says. Try not to let this frustrate you. She says that when you highlight differences as strengths instead of barriers, the differences becomes less important. As an extrovert, you probably have no issue with talking to your partner nonstop, about everything and anything, sharing your deepest, darkest feelings. However, that may not be the case when it comes to how your introverted significant other communicates with you.
Dan suggests maximizing ways to do so with your introverted partner. This will allow the introvert to leave early if desired, which is better than not going at all. Look for win-wins. Earnheardt also thinks compromising is essential. Make time to give each other undivided attention. He says that while extroverts thrive in parties and public settings, meeting new people and experiencing new things, introverts see these activities as energy drains, sometimes to the point of near exhaustion.
But he adds that talking about those limits may lead to great satisfaction as a couple. Is the other person willing to meet you halfway? Are you willing to meet him or her halfway? Can you be happy with what's being offered? And if not, then what? It's a scary question, I know.
And probably the one you most want to avoid. But if you decide that this is not the relationship for you, at least you'll know that you tried as hard as you could to get both your needs met, and so you can think of it as a "no-fault" breakup: You talked it out and found that the two of you simply need different things from a love relationship.
When you turn your sights to finding a new love, think about what you learned about yourself through these discussions. Among the introverts I interviewed for my book, Introverts in Love, about half of those who were in relationships were happily coupled with extroverts —and appreciated the energy, social life , and out-there-ness that extroverts brought to their lives.
The other half did prefer the quiet pleasure of life with a fellow introvert. Knowing that would be a good thing. Not necessarily horrible or abusive—although that can happen, too—but just wrong. A poor fit. Talk honestly, listen hard, and then talk some more. Introversion is not passivity, it is not avoidance, and it is only part of who we are. Note that anything you buy from Amazon by clicking through from this blog post will earn me a few cents.
Or you can support your local independent bookstore; click here to find an indie bookstore near you. If they don't carry my books, ask for them! Want to hang out with a bunch of cool introverts? Join us on my Facebook page, or follow me on Twitter or Instagram. Back Psychology Today. Back Find a Therapist. Back Get Help. Back Magazine. You Are Good Enough So you're not a "10" in every which way. Subscribe Issue Archive.
Back Today. Can Marijuana Cause Psychosis? Sophia Dembling The Introvert's Corner. Introversion How to Date an Introvert Even if you're an introvert, the rules for communication still apply. About the Author. Read Next. The Telephone Choke. What Are Introverts Like as Children? Introversion, Extroversion and the Highly Sensitive Person.
Introversion Essential Reads. Are You Lonely… or Alonely? The Rules of Attachment What's your relationship style? Your Partner's Attachment Style. Mindful Intimacy.
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