While it may appear a divisive issue, couples who cited religion as an important issue put it further down on their list of priorities. This was behind aspects such as shared interests, a satisfying sexual relationship and even a good income. Does religious disagreement hold as much weight as you think in a relationship? So, what makes religion such a divisive factor in dating? This also applies to extreme atheists. These values create potential conflict and disagreement in typical Western culture.
Of course, not all religious people are looking for the same thing when it comes to a relationship. The same can also be said for non-religious people who may have their own extreme values. Similarly, they may refuse to date people with different political affiliations or people who refuse to accept their non-religious stance. Perhaps a more accurate way of looking at the issue is on a spectrum. The issue of dating someone religious may not be a matter of religion at all.
Both Non-religious and religious people can easily tolerate and accept the differences between their values, if they are flexible and respectful enough. There will always be extreme believers and non-believers who will refuse to date someone else with differing views to their own. Dating someone of a different religious view is commonly accepted, if there is respect where neither partner forces their view onto the other. However, others say it can sometimes lead to rather heated arguments that they have to work through.
On the other hand, other couples value the experience of dating someone religious and having their perspective challenged. I tested my two-sentence bio on friends to make sure I sounded adorable, approachable and culturally Jewish enough to be on the site.
I got lots of matches on JSwipe Bubby would be so proud! I was also intrigued by Adam, who told me he was a singer and sent along a link to his new album. I suspect Adam was only on JSwipe to promote his music to women, which is genius marketing. Respect, Adam. There were a few other interesting characters. This one was a little demanding about vehicle ownership. And I respected that this gentile was just honest about why he was there. I was excited for Atheist Passions. Things must have gotten a little TOO sexy in the past, because Atheist Passions had a lot of rules about photos.
Oh well, at least everyone on the site knows not to challenge me to a limbo contest. Once I put all my personal information out there for the single atheists of the world to judge, I went to find someone to chat with. But there were only five members online, including me and the lone active man with a creepy photo.
The sidebar advertised gems such as this:. This one was just off the wall:. Their success testimonials include very bizarre stories like this about women treating men poorly:. But even he has been on this site and in the many different passions for years and has had off and on very hit-or-miss interactions. Even when we first started talking, I treated him very poorly.
After a month, I never got any messages. Luckily, the FAQ section of the site helped me understand why. I thought dharmaMatch was going to be a website for people practicing Hinduism. Anyway, the men I found on the site seemed to be spiritual and grounded—and very calm. Note: these are three words I would not use to describe myself. DharmaMatch had a ton of questions for users to fill out, each with a huge number of possible answers. This was great for things such as sexuality and gender.
A lot of bios had this kind of vibe:. Despite not understanding most of the spiritual verbiage, all of them seemed to have redeeming qualities. Like on Christian Mingle, it costs money to message on dharmaMatch. Luckily, it costs money only if you message first. His initial message seemed formal but not too abnormal. Plus, he gets Jewish values. But then a follow-up message arrived before I had a chance to answer. Writing fueled by late night burritos.
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When my ex, who was a Muslim, told his parents about me, they practically forbade him from continuing to see me. Families are usually the backbone that religions are built around so you have to be ready to deal with the fact that either or both of your parents might not approve. The trick is to decide from the beginning how much discord you can bear and for how long. How much are you willing to compromise? Relationships are about finding ways to accommodate your partner without giving up whole parts of yourself.
Before you consider dating someone whose religious beliefs do not align with yours, you might want to draw clear boundaries in the sand and then try to see what things you can agree on. Is this a fling? Is this person someone you can see yourself with years from now? If you walked away, how big would your regrets be?
Are you willing to partake in their religious rituals? This is where things can turn ugly pretty quickly. For me, dating Christians means pretending to like Christmas. I can live with that, but asking me to do things like attending church services, praying, and taking the holy communion is asking for way too much.
There are limits to what I will do for love. My main struggle with trying to decide whether or not to date someone because of their religion is how it will affect the children we might have. Do you want the same things out of the relationship? Can you keep an open mind? My lover once told me a beautiful story about the reason for her faith that made me more accepting of her religious drama. Even though I could have spent the rest of the evening poking holes in her story, I simply listened and accepted her right to feel that way.
What wins: the pros or cons? In the end, what it comes down to is how much you stand to gain or lose by dating someone with different religious beliefs. If you think that right now or down the road, being with them will outweigh the differences, then by all means, go for it.
However, having a long-term relationship with someone of a different faith definitely can be. Ask yourself the above questions before you make a decision—they should help shed some light on the situation. The issue of dating someone religious may not be a matter of religion at all.
Both Non-religious and religious people can easily tolerate and accept the differences between their values, if they are flexible and respectful enough. There will always be extreme believers and non-believers who will refuse to date someone else with differing views to their own. Dating someone of a different religious view is commonly accepted, if there is respect where neither partner forces their view onto the other.
However, others say it can sometimes lead to rather heated arguments that they have to work through. On the other hand, other couples value the experience of dating someone religious and having their perspective challenged. This can help to keep each other grounded, while also building up a mature and mutual respect.
However, other couples are happy to ignore their religious differences…. The potential conflicts that arise in an interfaith relationship surface much further down the road. Some Churches raise more of an issue when marrying someone outside of their religion. Furthermore, deciding what religion to raise children in may be an issue. However, some people let their children decide later down the line. However, will this ever be a decision completely free of bias?
In the end, a successful relationship comes down to mutual respect. Both partners need to feel that their differing views can be accepted without forcing their views onto the other. This is an issue that is not necessarily tied to religion.
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Takeaway: People in love say a lot of things they don't mean. Wait a year, wait two, and give each other time to become comfortable with the decisions you're proposing for your future. Expectations and realities will inevitably shift - and will continue to shift - as you merge two lives that were brought up very, very differently.
Say sayonara to your dream wedding. The thought of having a wedding involving both my and Alex's families makes me break out in hives. The customs! The kosher caterer! The mixed dancing! At this point, I'm more inclined to make a visit to the Justice of the Peace to eventually make it official, but then I think: Hey, wait a minute, why do I have to give up MY childhood wedding dreams just because our families might be super-weird together?
I waver. You'll be forced to confront your own prejudices. Before I met Alex, I'm ashamed to admit my ignorance resulted in a few off-color Jewish jokes; the same goes for him and Catholics. But we're both much more sensitive now and quicker to call others outright on racist and anti-semitic remarks disguised as "humor". How quickly things become less funny and more personal when there's a face behind the caricature.
Guilt will bring you together. As Alex always reminds me: The Jews invented guilt, the Catholics perfected it. A part of me will forever feel as though I'm not being true to my roots even though I had given up on Catholicism in high school. And part of me understands that by making the choice to be with Alex, I'm making it more difficult for my family, my future children, myself.
How do you explain to your kids that their cousins don't have to learn Hebrew or keep the TV off on Saturdays or fast on the high holidays? I struggle with the fact that the most right decision I've ever made in my life is also, arguably, the most selfish. And yet, unselfish at the same time?
I'm the one converting, not him. But I'm not alone in these feelings. Alex has the same trepidations. We talk about them. Sometimes we yell. But we always find a common ground in the end. To share the advice his cousin gave me and completely distort a famous Jewish story : Have faith in each other. The rest is commentary. Andrea Zimmerman is the editor-at-large at Yourtango. She enjoys reading, traveling, and reading while traveling. She lives in Chicago with her husband and three-legged cat.
Follow her angiecat86 on Instagram. Converting to a New Religion Before Marriage. While options like Tinder are winning the numbers game —the app has a reported 50 million users compared to Christian Mingle's , — Egan suspects people who use dating sites focused around religion are looking for something much different.
The Tinder-ization of the dating world is actually very different from the community that resides in both Christian Mingle and JDate. For others, religion is still the most important factor when it comes to finding a partner. Take the New Jersey rabbi who in offered to pay for a JDate membership for anyone in his congregation.
His Tinder-like app is a few weeks old and so far has more than 1, members. IE 11 is not supported. For an optimal experience visit our site on another browser.