dating in academia

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Defining your relationship is an important part of any progressing, adult relationship. It is especially important when you are in a new relationship and feel totally uncertain about where your partnership is heading. Although dating without labels and khun tiffany dating certainly works for a time, and might work well for some couples, many people if not most are better able to understand and work within a relationship that has some framework or structure in place. This is especially true if you are have been involved for a few months of dating and spend more time together. Knowing that you consider one another is often important in making sure you are both satisfied and content in your relationship.

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Dating in academia

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Am I wasting time? Are my priorities all out of whack? Do you or your readers have experience dating with education discrepancies? Are my fears as unfounded as I hope? What can I say if people get all judgy about his choice of career? I really debated whether to publish your letter. You asked for anecdata, so here is some. I have a terminal degree, my boyfriend has some college but not a degree.

It affects my career not at all and us socially not at all. My mom has an advanced degree, my dad has a certificate from a technical college. It affected them not at all. I can think of zero relationships among my peers where having a degree vs. There can be a lot of expense, discontent, jealousy, immigration issues, loss of career momentum, and other giant, real hassles in dual-career relationships. Your judgy out-of-town friends need to, pardon my French, fuck the hell off on this topic.

Out loud? What the hell is wrong with you? Your peers, at these nightmare hellscape parties where apparently people can only trumpet their stellar accomplishments, would probably describe themselves as very informed , logical , and open-minded people. Why then are they so ignorant about and dismissive of any life path that is not the exact same as theirs?

But, while there are certainly supportive mentors and institutions, you have to realize that for the most part the world of elite scholarship does not care about your happiness. It does not care about your health. It cares about your usefulness and your results. It cares about your productivity. It cares about finding the smallest amount of money and support that you will settle for.

Sometimes it will give you asshole old man advice about how you should live your life and conform to its expectations. You need someone who loves you, for you, who roots for your success, who supports you emotionally when the going gets tough, who excites and challenges you, who would care about you even if you failed at science. And if you are thinking long-term, you need someone who could potentially move when you get that dream appointment someday. They could thrive in their careers partly because they had wives, who maybe worked outside the home at some job, but who poured a ton time and energy into supporting them while they did their intense manly intellectual work.

At all. The ones who bought me dinner and groceries when my financial aid took 14 weeks of a week semester to come through. The ones who helped out on all my film sets, lent me their houses and cars as locations. The ones who had parties where I could talk about NOT grad school. Sometimes what you need from your day is not to discuss the finer points of research methods or the three-act-structure one more time, but to talk with people who have completely different stuff going on than you do.

Or to get good and righteously gloriously thoroughly laid. Grad school is not there for you on this. Prestige is especially dangerous to the ambitious. If you want to make ambitious people waste their time on errands, the way to do it is to bait the hook with prestige. It might be a good rule simply to avoid any prestigious task. In your defense, the orthodoxy that graduate school is the One True Way To Demonstrate Worth is being indoctrinated quite deliberately within the subculture you are in.

Graduate school can operate a lot like a reality dating show, in that it thrives on Stockholm Syndrome, and you actually have to fight to keep your own sense of what is important amid the absurdity. Reality dating shows isolate their contestants, moving them away from everyone they love and imprisoning them in a big house with only other contestants. Everyone has the same goal and the same focus, and there is no down-time or escape — you must always be thinking about the Bachelor or the Rock or the Flavor of the Love and how to win them over.

No pets, no books, no distractions. You associate only with people who are on the show. I think it would happen way more if the contestants lived at home with their dogs or cats and saw their actual real-life friends once in a while. Imagine living like that for years the average window to complete a PhD depending on your field and institution.

In the article I linked up thread by Sarah Kendzior, she writes about the decision to have a baby during grad school:. The greatest threat to getting an academic job is not a baby. It is the disappearance of academic jobs. Telling women in any career what they should do with their body is always a sexist, demeaning trick.

But in a Ph. I know a few women who hurt their academic careers by having a baby. This is not the fault of the women, but the fault of a system which penalizes women for being mothers. But I know far more people—men and women—whose lives were derailed because they sacrificed what was most important to them for an academic career that never materialized. So should you have a baby in graduate school? I do not know. I am not you. I know nothing about your life.

I know nothing about your goals, desires, finances, health or family situation. In other words, I am in the same position as your advisor, your colleagues, and everyone else who will judge your intensely personal decision. Some of these people may be authority figures, but authority figures do not have authority when it comes to your body and your family. Wait until you submit your dissertation.

Wait until you defend. Wait until you find out where you are going to work. But you are a real scientist now. I know this because you are doing science with your days. You can go to school and be a scientist and have love without living in the Rock of Science Brainwashing house.

So the best advice I can give you is: question your assumptions. You would do this in your research, so start doing it in your life. You have a therapist as a sounding board to work through questions like that, which, good. Please also do what you can to find friends from all ages and walks of life who also want to talk about Starcraft or stuff you are interested in at their non-competitive, actually fun parties. Make time every week to exercise, cook, read for pleasure, knit, watch your favorite TV show, have lots of hot sex with your hot boyfriend, go to therapy, go to the doctor when you get sick — do whatever it takes to feel like yourself and feel grounded in your body and your life.

In an intense grad program sometimes every moment of happiness you can steal back for yourself while still doing your work is a victory. In the meantime, being good at what you do and happy as you are is one hell of a snappy comeback for the haters. So you know. No judgment. I know where you are. And the thing is, I had a very supportive grad school environment where the profs treated us like actual people, and the fellow students were mostly really cool and not all about themselves.

And I was still grateful for outside friendships and perspectives. You carry that shit in your heart, not on paper. Try not to let three letters dominate your experience of life. LW here! Oh no my anxiety attack letter got published. I have died of shame. I am dead. I am typing from the 7th circle of grad student hell, where the coffee is decaf and the bagels are stale and there are only horrible evolutionary psych papers to read.

Seriously though: thanks to you and the Captain and the community for this massive outpouring of support. None of my problems can be solved by looking for faults in other people. This is all starting to make me think: at some point I got it into my head that in order to brave the wilds of Sciencing While Female, I was going to have to excise everything soft and feminine from my personality, and surround myself with only things and people that would drive me to further academic success.

My imaginary Science Trinity makes a pretty boring human being by comparison. Self-assigned homework: call Boyfriend and gush about all the things I value him for. Re-read this comments section whenever brain starts to act up. Play some goddamn Starcraft. There are just so many ways to look at success. Some people claim to have reached this happy state and I am trying to work out if I can emulate them somehow. However my backup plan is to look at success as making the decision to stop my PhD if it makes me miserable and to find something else.

I just put my PhD on hold, definitely for a few years, possibly for much longer, who can say. Successful is being happy and having the capacity to have a life, and whatever does that is okay, and in fact good. I applaud that decision with delight. Okay I am proper delighted forever by your first paragraph. Well played, you, well played, and YES on the gushing-to-the-boyfriend and the playing-some-Starcraft. My partner is a self-admitted workaholic in a field that will certainly require a PHD and no life for many years.

However I have come to realize that having both partners in academia would be insanely difficult. It is actually an asset to have one partner in it and one partner out of it. If both partners are on high powered, fast-paced career tracks how do you get them to synch up? But when one person has more time and flexibility it makes it much easier to coordinate schedules and priorities.

I would encourage you to think of your partner not being on the academic track as a blessing that may make your long-term success possible, not a hindrance! Education is just education. I would have been a much happier person much sooner if I had realized that the world of elite scholarship does not care about my happiness. Captain, thank you for laying it out so clearly.

My husband loves our city and his job, and I love our city and his happiness matters at least as much as mine. This letter is like permission to not care if he ever gets it, the important thing is that I know what I need. Thank you, Captain.

Oh, and LW, my husband is a recovering scientist and we had the two-body problem for a long time. I know the fishbowl can be stressful and I wish you the best as you work this out. And I hope your equipment rarely malfunctions and your advisor is swimming in grant money. In my opinion, your committee member is uncomfortable at least in part because your decisions make him questions his OWN choices.

I agree with this opinion. I have doctors that are never happy with me for the same reasons — my life choices do not match up with their life choices and if they admit that my life choices are equally valid, they might have to question why they made their own life choices. Thanks for the sympathy! I also think in this academic climate, the worst advisor to have is the one who has led a charmed life— no visiting jobs in crappy places, lots of grantwinning and publishing.

It means they can hear that the system is broken, but they have never actually experienced it. I think this makes it a lot easier for people to get upset when their students leave, because they still have naive hope that everything works out for good people. When I was in grad school, I was warned by my adviser not to choose my future husband in Germany over an academic career in the U.

I chose to be with him. I know this feel. Also, in my dept students are starting to bring this issue to the attention of the department and ask them to do something about it. There may be anecdata to follow, but basically I think that the judgy people are dead wrong and you should trust your happiness over their judgyness. OK, anecdata even though I can see it pouring in! And my aunt has a PhD and a tenured position and my uncle dropped out of college.

The problem was HIM, not the education difference. Hooray for Starcraft dates! It is an awesome bonding experience. My husband and I kicked ass all over Azeroth for a couple years and still have in-jokes and fond memories from it. Actually, it helped rewire our relationship dynamics once. I was feeling a bit walked on, so we rolled up new characters and I tanked. I suddenly started taking responsibility for other decisions around the house as well.

It was great. As a shy lady used to being stepped on and formerly expecting that as my due, it changed when I respecced to bear and charged into HDs and LFRs. I realized I LIKED taking charge, and if certain individuals felt threatened by a lady tanking and clearing DS before they did , that was their problem.

I am a frequent reader of the always amazing Captain and army , and have never felt so inclined to weigh in. LW, I was motivated to respond because I really am exactly the type of anecdote you are seeking. I am a recent PhD grad, newly-minted TT prof albeit in the social sciences, though I think that makes little difference married to a man who stopped his education after high school though he is now, in his 30s, pursuing trade school. Now, I love this person far above and beyond what his job is, and he loves me beyond what mine is, and that is why we are committed to being together, but I cannot even count the number of times I have expressed gratitude that I happen to have found this person in a package that is not connected to academia.

At the most basic level, he is employable just about anywhere, and his willingness to move around the country and beyond , several times if necessary, made my job search much easier. At a deeper level, though, what the Captain highlights has been so true for me — speaking just for myself here, I find it far too easy to start thinking of academia as The Most Important Place in the Universe, and imagining that what we do, think, and say is he only way of doing, thinking, and saying.

Getting that viewpoint shaken up by a different angle on reality has made me a better person, and actually, a better thinker. Being able to step away from it — indeed, being forced to step away from it to feed, bathe, or entertain a small child — gives my brain space for thoughts to settle and fresh ideas to bubble to the surface.

I could literally go on and on here about how positive this combination has been for me, but I also want to say that it hits me in the heart to hear the anxiety you feel about your career and capabilities. One of the biggest truths the Captain touches on is just how much academic culture perpetuates that, and also with no judgment, finding things in your life whether they are relationships, friends, activities, or whatevers that bring you out of that and into other parts of yourself and why you are valuable as a human being are so important to surviving the PhD and beyond.

Good luck! Jobs and colleagues will come and go, but a love like that? Hang onto it hard. Class issues might come up, but not education so much. There is a pervasive cultural message that women should marry up—men with ambition, men who are doctors or lawyers or PhDs, or what have you.

Not a single male friend who is a lawyer has ever asked me that. My mum specifically said that one of the problems with my relationship was my partner is less educated I have two degrees and working on the third, all at a pretty prestigious research-intensive university, he has one degree from a much less prestigious university but also that if the genders were reversed it would be fine.

Maybe she is projecting because she got a better degree than my dad did albeit in her forties? Homo economicus would also realize that lots of non-academic jobs pay at least as much as a grad school stipend, and the grocer or landlord cares more about whether you can pay your bills than about letters after your name. And not having to worry about whether you can pay the bills is valuable on a lot of levels. And also on average people with PhDs earn less than people with just a Masters!

But a lot of this is selection into academia rather than business. Neither of those things are givens. We need seriously radical change in parental leave policies to overcome the status quo and allow families to pick what is right for them and making sure that children have access to good childcare whether provided inside or outside the home, by professionals or family. Exactly this. Neither of us cares and we are great with each other.

But…how do I put this? In my early adulthood the days before the tech bubble burst , a lot of them were in IT, and I dated a few of them, including Darth Ex. Heck, even Spouse slightly resembled these remarks when we first got together, though he certainly does not anymore. In fact, most of the fights I remember with Darth Ex where he turned physically threatening or menacing were either about exactly this or about closely-related topics. Wow, the Captain hit the nail on the head.

My friends in my program are great, too, but I love coming home from the department and not being in the department anymore. Most people in my department do not have much of a life outside school. Most of them are more generally stressed about school than I am, too although of course I get stressed about things like finals and comps. Self-care will NOT slow you down, it will just keep you happier and healthier. My grades in law school shot up when I started dating my current boyfriend and making more time for a social life.

Like, dramatic improvement. Funny how being happy and satisfied with your life overall makes it easier for you to apply yourself to schoolwork, eh? When I talk to my lawyer colleagues, who can get very rat-race-y, fishbowl-y, and status-conscious, his level of education simply never comes up.

They may ask where he works and what he does, but no one ever probes further about his education. Who talks to another grown adult like that? Who cares what someone thinks about my choice of partner? Having a relaxed attitude about it helps, I think. My dude went to university and quit a few credits short of a fine arts degree. So fucking what? Another Ph. If he had wanted to stay on the academic track, we would have been in for some very very difficult decisions about how to make both of our careers work.

Many of my friends are in that situation now, and it is rough. As it is, he was able to follow my career to a small city in another state without jeapordizing his own. My career demands have led to us living in a snow-belt city far away from either of our families.

Regardless of who you are partnered with, you are allowed to have hobbies. You are allowed to spend time caving and gaming and whatever else, and you are no less a scientist because of it. You really, really can do good work and still have a life. I got an MA at a very good school. My BF dropped out of high school during 11th grade. In the beginning of our relationship I pushed him to go to college because I was worried we would run out of things to talk about.

Looking back, I see that was really stupid of me. Plus we have a lot of similar, shared interests and we make each other laugh. So, no, you are not sabotaging your career in any way. And if you need more anecdata, my best friend from HS has her MS in biology, works in the field, and just married a very nice man with no degree.

I was working 20 hours a day and my boyfriend was stay-at-home and I still never got to see him. And everything that Capt. I had professors who married other people with Ph. Ds and then had the horrible task of trying to figure out whether they would each live in the city where they taught or if one of them would sacrifice her or his position to move so they could live together.

Those marriages failed. Some of them failed spectacularly. It was really painful to watch, especially since I was in a great department with incredibly supportive profs and grad students. I chose not to go for my Ph. Not everything has to be about school. Then smile really big and walk away. Consider the following demeaning shit-show:.

Partner: Nuh uh! It is, however, perhaps one of the few ways that might get the asker to shut the hell up if the asker is an ossified White Male Ph. Ugh, yes, challenge the patriarchy! My dad is a university professor and for most of my childhood my mother was a part time bookkeeper.

When my dad said his wife was a stay at home mother or a part time office manager do you think any colleagues or friends looked askance? Of course not because that is The Order of Things, but that Order of Things is based on women being less valuable than men. Your value is based entirely on their perception of your job. I hope this is written clearly enough.

I am trying to stuff all the Internets you just won into this envelope to send you. I say this as someone who often has to kick my own hindbrain over not being the primary breadwinner in the house. Great advice as always. My family made plenty of snide comments about the educational difference and it was hard to constantly hear and defend against their put-downs. By the time I graduated college he was managing a couple cafes by day and playing music in a local band at night.

Meanwhile I had a shiny new degree, a pile of student loans, and no job to pay them off with. Personally, I found her lawschool friends insufferable we knew each other from grade school and much preferred HIS company…. They seem very happy and are five years and two kids into their marriage.

And she is now the in-house counsel for their company the start-up took off…. I ended up getting a terminal Masters for several reasons, but one of the things that gave me red flags about the department I was in, and massively creeped me out, was how many of the male professors had married women who had been their grad students at one time. Your boyfriend seems to be doing everything regarding this situation right, and you will be too once you can put down this particular anxiety ball you are carrying.

What helped me about my partner was not his career, it was the fact that he was there for me and loves me. My beloved Favorite is not an academic, but his job does have limited geographic flexibility, so this is a hurdle we will have to leap together one day soon. Oh, boy. Captain, I love you. So much of what you said — the Stockholm Syndrome, the prestige — is too true. It was all about either having the degree and doing the really cool research or having some secure university staff job.

LW, I can very much relate to your situation. My Significant Otter currently works in security and retail and is applying for HIS dream job as a member of the highway patrol. We both had a few moments of insecurity about the differences in our working lives and questions about how we were going to fit them together in the future.

The final answer for us was that we were the only people who got to decide what our lives would look like. With a little luck, we will both be working at jobs that engage and challenge us. We encourage each other to achieve our respective goals and provide love, support, and comfort when work is difficult or discouraging.

We are both happier with each other than we have ever been. Publishing this was probably a good call from our gracious hostess. I am in academia and dating another academic who would probably love to hear about that new model of fish ecology , and I can think of a lot of friends who are in a similar situation as LW and probably share at least some of her concerns.

This thought process is helped a lot by there being a lot of viable job options for people who decide to leave my field. I need a lot of sleep, and a regular amount of sleep, and time to eat, and some downtime to focus just on myself and my hobbies. And maintaining all that helps me so much with all my academic work. You are so right about productivity. In my grad program, it was almost a competition as to who had the worst health habits. Thinking on it, it was rather like the previous column, wherein women bond by comparing their food guilt.

Academics bond over how they should be working so much more!! I have a friend in a similar situation, and one of the most difficult things to deal with is the constant stream of low-level comments made by people you care about. It helps to know of other people in your position — the commenters here have given some great examples.

Basically, her experience was that a lot of times departments will deny opportunities to women raises, etc. So if your boyfriend has a flexible career he is going to be an asset, not a hindrance, because you will have more negotiating power down the line. Oh hey, I have anecdata!

Additionally, it helps that we are both able to recognize the great advantages his position has; he has no student debt, he makes more money than I do at the office job I got to pay for grad school, he has a five minute commute, mail carrying is great exercise, if I get a position he can transfer with me literally anywhere that USPS goes, etc. My husband dropped out of high school at 16 but later got his G. This has never once made a difference to anyone, least of all us.

If you were to look at our employment histories and guess which one of us went to college, you would totally guess that he did. He is consistently employed in management-level jobs. I on the other hand, have worked very sporadically in nothing but entry-level retail and customer service jobs.

Your boyfriend and relationship sound great and like they work for you and make you happy. Those people that are trying to make you feel insecure about it sound like snobby jerks. My partner finished high school and went straight into the workforce. He makes me so happy that I married him last week!

That is what should count; not what other people think. Her husband is a mechanic. Think of it this way — picture another career path. Ask yourself, in your accountant persona, whether there would be any issue in having a partner who lacked even BASIC accountancy qualifications.

What would the other accountants think?!? Put it to yourself like that, and it just sounds daft. But, PhD study tends to be a goldfish bowl — very enclosed within, and very distorting of everyone and everything outside it. My strong advice would be that having an existence outside that world is a very, very valuable thing.

They are not potheads. We would be obliged to frown upon that, professionally speaking. Bookkeeper by profession here. Yes, keep your hands off my household budget spreadsheets! Whereas I, female, am headed up the corporate ladder and in am school for business. He looks forward to being the stay-at-home dad, while I want to run large teams of people or offices. But that would drive us both crazy, and earn less money for the family.

LW, what you and your partner build has to make sense for the two of you. Expect the plans to change and the standards to shift and the conversations to keep happening. Life is not static. But you say this is the happiest and most comfortable you have ever been — so enjoy it. Things sound amazing for you. I think that movies, and media in general offer this script that people feel like they should follow, forgetting that it might not mesh with their values and interests.

This reminds me of the thorough mocking in the science blogosphere a few years ago of a medical scientist who published exactly that sort of asshole old man advice. I am lucky enough to have an advisor who thinks this way, and it is very helpful. If you are not in that boat, I hope you can find a committee member or other mentor who is more supportive to help keep you on the track you actually want to be on. Random anecdata: my parents both have PhDs in the same field and have been together for over 40 years.

But they got lucky with a lot of planning. I can give you ten data points for it not working for the one I have which does. LW, feel free to skip this. The thing about degrees and certificates is that they are not a guarantee of success or stability in your life, and neither is the lack of a degree a guarantee of poverty and misery. Ultimately only you and your partner should be the arbiters of whether your relationship is a partnership of equals. Just as a side note. Hi LW.

I got my BS in biology and actually just finished my teaching program. My significant-other has a high school diploma. In my friend group we have a lot of independent women who most of the time are the ones earning more money. He has been a great support, especially during my teaching program when I was student teaching, working technically still full time , and doing the homework for my teaching program.

He took care of all the cooking and cleaning. Oh, LW, I feel you. For me it only happened after I took a year off, met people from different places and experiences, and went back to find out that I was getting way more fulfillment from self-study and waitressing work than from my classes— even my great classes! It was then that I realized, even though I love learning, and my field, I detest being in school. In my opinion, getting your education from Approved Institution can be enormously helpful, but at the end of the day a grade is just a performance review, and a degree is just a certificate for doing the right job in the right way, according to a particular set of bosses.

Does that make any sense? I agree with the Captain here! Grad school absolutely requires Stockholm Syndrome to continue. I had a lot of difficulty getting my advisor to acknowledge that I had a life outside of grad school that was important and worthy of my time. Once, during a massive crunch in which I was attempting to write 70 pages of a thesis in a weekend to meet a deadline I had told my advisor was impossible, I had the good fortune to eat a listeria melon and end up in the hospital.

My boyfriend had to take my laptop away from me, even after I insisted that I could type just fine with an IV in. In which, after I was able to control my bowels again, was actually quite pleasant. I slept, and watched my boyfriend play Skyrim. My point is, grad school utterly warps your perspective on life. You get to decide who to date! You get to push back on unreasonable deadlines! You get to insist on time to make real food and exercise! I also want to second the point that your peers snubbing your boyfriend for not being in a PhD program is classist, elitist BS.

Ugh ugh ugh ugh uuuugggh. Not having a degree does not make someone less valuable as a human being. People are valuable regardless of the kind of work they do. I really, really feel the need to comment here with this amazing love-letter-of-sorts about not doing PhDs a career academic scientist wrote for me when I was applying. And is it vaguely reasonable that I could arrange to be doing that thing? And the answer was yes so I GTFO of academia and am now very, very happy in the private sector working with and for people who are not ALL completely insane, for an institution that is less dysfunctional and less tolerant of abuse.

I say to you: you have not met bad work-life balance until you have been in academia. My group is astonishingly, wonderfully balanced-and-supportive and just good at this stuff. But, and this is important, I am so glad that you made the right choice for you and that you are happy. Out of my cohort I think one person is still with the department — everyone else left without finishing their PhD, which should give you an idea of how wildly dysfunctional it is. The end. If this is completely planted in your head by others and exacerbated by your jerk brain, I would definitely stay the course with the partner who makes you happy!

I only say this because I worked in the private sector and my ex was a HS English teacher. My new partner is much more aligned in understanding this part of me as he has the same part in him. I think so long as you can understand, support, and respect each other here which it sounds like yes! Second: My family is full of anecdata on this subject! I am working on my clinical psychology PhD, married to someone with a bachelors who only recently 5 years out of college was able to get a job outside of retail.

My mom is a partner in a law firm and my stepdad owns an auto shop. We are all happily married! I know the feeling you are expressing and have felt it before; everyone in my program is married to a lawyer, another academic, or something that requires an advanced degree.

But I started asking myself questions like the ones the captain recommended to you and thinking about what really works for ME and my life! And I love my husband and am blissfully happy; his degree matters not at all. My mom and sister would say the same. In fact, there are things about the education mismatch that have made things easier for us.

Seriously- why can't people just let people be who they are and not date them More irritated by that link than anything else. Just sounds like whinning So judgemental If you don't want to date a student or a professor It's not like anyone forces you to date anyone. And, I'm assuming none of these were really, really serious relationships with shared property that would make you think twice. So, that can't even be a reason to stick with someone you don't like! And if you want to date non-academics, online date!

That's how I met the BF. Be realistic on your profile and about the process in general and you will probably be okay. But again, I don't understand why people force the issue. As a humanities major, I've generally had more luck with partners in the sciences, since it broadens my horizons and what they do isn't so similar to what I do that I feel like I'm living in a fishbowl. I'm in sociology and my husband is in psychology.

I feel like that is a winning combo because we broaden each other's horizons but there is still enough overlap that we understand what each other is doing. I find it really funny hearing the girls in my class who are dating business majors talk about how conflicting their views are. I just don't see how that would be sustainable Not implying that business majors cannot be socially conscious, just not these ones in particular.

I've always dated humanities people, as it helps keep things interesting. I've honestly never had an attraction to another scientist except one who was a hippie being pressured into med school by parents , so I guess that rules out hot inter-lab shenanigans.

Oh man I have SO many hot library shenanigan fantasies … I guess I'll have to keep dating other humanities people to make those come true. GURL, get it. To be fair, my SO and I have gotten busy at work with some role play To keep the genes strong. I don't want my kid growing up having a secret desire to deliver pizzas. I think ideally, I'd like to date people in a related-but-not-the-same field e. I am dating a non-academic who has different interests. But, I think it could be fun to date another academic You need to be a member in order to leave a comment.

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