dating a paraplegic guy

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Defining your relationship is an important part of any progressing, adult relationship. It is especially important when you are in a new relationship and feel totally uncertain about where your partnership is heading. Although dating without labels and khun tiffany dating certainly works for a time, and might work well for some couples, many people if not most are better able to understand and work within a relationship that has some framework or structure in place. This is especially true if you are have been involved for a few months of dating and spend more time together. Knowing that you consider one another is often important in making sure you are both satisfied and content in your relationship.

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Dating a paraplegic guy

He is charming and does not let his injury define him. Kiel and I do many things, we always find a way, and we always have a great time. Over the years, we have gone on many vacations, trips, and simple getaways. We have flown to different places and have experienced the horrors of flying with a wheelchair and the crossing of fingers and toes that the chair arrives in one solid piece. With SCI, you are left to relearn how to even go to the bathroom with bowel and bladder routines—just another thing we take for granted.

Spasticity is common when the body is stimulated in certain ways. It can also serve as a mechanism that the body is in pain or even uncomfortable but, the spasms keep the muscles from experiencing atrophy and maintaining circulation. Even though Kiel has such a high injury, over the years of the accident he has adapted and relearned many everyday tasks and skills, enabling him to be independent.

Many times people assume that I am in some sort his caretaker, but I am not. Kiel was injured years before we met and he has adapted and now does his own day to day routine. SCI causes instability of body temperature, causing abnormal responses to temperature change.

I became aware of this in the summer months when the heat would be so severe and due to the SCI Kiel is unable to sweat, would result in overheating and the possibility to pass out. Dysreflexia is another acute complication that I learned is common with SCI.

I was unaware of the simple things that could cause this. Something as simple as sitting on a button on their jeans, or not knowing they have to go to the bathroom could result in Dysreflexia. Kiel said the biggest adjustment for him was during the first year of his injury, but as time went on he began to adjust. Time and time again, Kiel proves the impossible to be possible.

Over the years since his injury, he has put in countless hours with physical and occupational therapy, lifting and working out on his own time, which ultimately allowed him to walk during his senior night and graduation. Although I met Kiel after his injury, I can see his hard work and continuous determination for success.

Kiel broke his neck playing football at the age of 14—yet he would play again tomorrow if he could, and even with all the bumps in the road, he created a beautiful life. His Mom and Dad, his brother, family members, and surrounding communities were there to pick up the pieces and support him.

Our relationship has been filled with tons of memories, laughs, and love and took an exciting turn recently and we are engaged! On April 28, , when Kiel proposed to me at a beautiful winery in front of several of our friends. Now, our newest adventure is planning a wedding for the fall of !

Thanks to Ashley for submitting her story to AbleThrive. Do you have your own lessons learned when it comes to dating? Share your story with us and you might be featured on AbleThrive. Skip to main content. Sign up now Already have an account with AbleThrive? Sign in here. Close Start a new search search. Again, be open and tell them to lean forward to hold you as close as they can. One person, for example, may have more feeling in their upper body nipples, mouth etc and another may have very sensitive legs but have no feeling in their genitals.

You may find this out by yourself, but probably not — it needs to be talked about. There are erogenous zones in the earlobes and on the nape of the neck, so a head massage is a great way to feel stimulated. Have you considered sex or foreplay in your chair, or even your hoist? What about having your partner laid on the bed while you stay in your chair pleasuring them? Explore this with your partner — it might make it even more fun. But why not make a game of it? Maybe plan to be waiting for your partner in bed naked after your PA has got you ready?

Or how about asking them to help you get ready for sex one night, instead of a PA? Plan in time to do this and who will help you — your PA or partner. Talk about what would suit both of your needs best. Also, plan for what will happen after sex.

For example, will you need to go to the toilet again? Having tissues or a bottle next to the bed means the transition after sex will be less clunky. Could your partner sit on you? Can your hands be placed in position? Would toys help? Can your partner pleasure themselves? Are there erotic novels or films that you could watch or read together? There are lots of options. Once again, aiming at intercourse may be just frustrating and there are plenty of other ways to enjoy sexual pleasure.

As a wheelchair user, getting these in intimate places can be something you sometimes experience. Of course, trying to prevent them is the ideal. Ensure you have comfortable cushions in your chair and that your feet are supported on a footrest so that your wright is shared. A ring pressure relief cushions should help. Again, be open with your partner. If you feel uncomfortable about your partner seeing them, take the opportunity to focus all pleasure on them instead of you.

Most people are terribly embarrassed about being incontinent. But there is nothing shameful about it. It is really important to talk to your continence nurse about what options there are for you. It might be that having a suprapubic catheter enables your life to become far more fulfilling. If you have a stoma, you could cover it with sexy underwear. Tell a potential lover how you feel about your body and the stoma.

Most will be fascinated and accepting. As well as pleasure, it can also diminish spasms and help with bladder dysfunction. If you have spina bifida, you may need to stimulate other parts of your body, other than your clitoris or penis. This could be your prostate or nipples, or it may be that you need to find your own erogenous zones.

Specialist vibrators for different areas are widely available. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensure the basic functionalities and security features of the website work. These cookies do not store any personal information. Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with a website.

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Because dystrophin is absent, the muscle cells are easily damaged. The progressive muscle weakness leads to serious medical problems, particularly issues relating to the heart and lungs. Young men with Duchenne typically live into their late twenties. I was born with this disease. Throughout my life I have had my freedom and independence taken from me. Every part of my body is weak so I need most things done for me.

I have nurses who take care of me while my mom, who is a single parent, is at work. I have been shy for the past 15 years. I have had a low self esteem because the chair has held me back from having confidence. I am slowly breaking out of my shell though. I have definitely made big strides in the past few years.

I have a very hard time talking to people let alone women. I have been pushing myself to try and talk to literally anyone. But since I have never had a girlfriend, I just wind up seeing girls I think are pretty and I get myself into a position to say hello to them but nothing comes out. Also I have difficulty breathing so I need to use a non invasive ventilator to help me breath. I was able to relate to most of your lesson learned.

I pray every night to find love and to find the right person for me. Its all I think about. I feel like I have been waiting forever. I have literally tried everything like dating sites, mutual friends, Facebook, etc. I sometimes feel like I may never find my best friend and true love. Hey Dylan! Thank you so much for your message! We are so glad to hear that you are breaking out of your shell! If you ever need someone to connect and chat with, feel free to email us at info wheellove.

Much love and we are keeping our fingers crossed for you! Me and my boyfriend have been together for 6 years and he has been in a wheelchair for 5 of them. He has spino bifida but what caused him to not be able to feel his lower half anymore was diagnosed as sarcoidosis of the spine which we were told was rare.

Although, it took over a year with him losing more and more feeling as days went on to finally be told why. He now does and I love him with all my heart through good and bad. I am also a mom of two teenage girls that are from my previous marriage.

Then I feel guilty for worrying about myself. Maybe add that to the list…. I love him chair or not through all the good, bad, and ugly. Your list hit so many things on the head. The world is most definitely not accessible even when they say they are and not all people are understanding of that or respectful either. You learn quickly to hold your tongue and move on. Handicap seating sucks in most places. A positive note is you find out who your true friends are and who truly cares.

Especially when accidents happen. Just as he is my rock in other situations. What helped his depression is finding others and becoming active again. All he needed from me was encouragement and knowing I will bring him wherever he needs me to plus cheer him on! He did a very hilly 15k Boilermaker in Utica, NY this past year in his standard chair with only 3 months of training for a wheelchair challenge to try and win a racing chair.

He was 30 minutes over the time but a generous lady anonymously gave the money for him to get one and he should have it to start training when winter is over. He finished it though. He accomplished his goal. Sometimes the chair allows for greater abilities to be seen rather than those that were lost. I was so proud and still am! He has made me see the strength in myself as well! Thank you for this list and sorry this was so long. Thank you again! Hey Ashley! SO glad you found us!

It can make all the difference in a new wheelchair users life. Glad you guys are figuring out your new wheelchair life! I treat him normal. I found this guy was so depressed and massed up. I truly love him. Hello everyone!! I was reading your comments and i thought i should i write down my experience too. I have been dating a paraplegic guy for about 1 and half yrs now.

I must say, he is the coolest guy i have ever met although i dont have so much experiences with guys He is 34, paraplegic for 9yrs so far, and i feel so lucky i met him. This attitude of his and the way he sees life, has inspired me and i just want to look like him. The only sad thing, is that we are not in a proper relationship it was his will and you know….

I just wish i was his girlfriend. That is the only thing that makes me sad. I met the most amazingly funny, gorgeous and smart guy SCI. We got on so well and I really like him. How would you take it? I have been with my Bf for 6 yrs now, living together 3yrs. Working progress. He been wonderful helping me raise my kids. Am so grateful for that. Times get tough usual accidents and UTI, we do our best and handle it well. His sense of humor makes everything easy to get through.

I know people think there disability holds us back, but in reality there disability is what keeps us going, and makes us strong. When I get sick all i can think about is who going to take care of my kids and him. I want to live and be stronger for him and of course my children. Am more of his partner in crime, and most importantly best friend.

Its just a matter if finding the right person to help you get through it. I loved this article a year ago and love it today. My husband is a quad with c3-c4 injury. Now listen, he is amazing and my complete counterpart.

I fart in the bed, sometimes he pees. I always wear slides on my feet. For quick removal in case of caster problems. Nothing is ever easy though, it takes a strong person to be with him… but with a sense of humor and a quick tongue, life is good. My partner is a T7 paraplegic. How do u guys even have sex? I believe this is a test of our love.. Please give me some advice on sex after spinal cord injury and intimacy. Thanks for your comment! Feel free to email us at info wheellove.

I sustained my injury 18 years ago. Due to a motorcycle accident. I have no sensation below my rib cage. In regards to having sex and pleasing your lady. My pleasure now is making sure my partner is totally pleased. Which can be done with some intimate kissing, touching and toys if needed. I have much more to share. That it was a amazing experience. It takes awhile to figure things out.

For the first 3 years after my injury. My penis would get a full erection after some stimulation. By my partner. I got the enjoyment of the visual. With her on top obviously because of my paralysis. We would use my wheelchair as well. For her to sit on my lap. Ok, I think I jabbered enough. Good luck and God Bless you both. Hey Mike, so sorry to hear about your negative experiences!

Meet a mature person who will love you just the way you are. Thanks for the grins. Still have lots of questions, but time will provide the answers. Sheesh, they become weapons! The next issue the one that goes along with the size 16 feet. Every day is a new adventure and a new learning experience, just as it should be with any new relationship. They have no clue because she has not told them she wears a depends and has bathroom issues. In the beginning she was fearful after the first few bathroom accidents in the bedroom that I would break it off with her.

I told her I will never leave her for the things she can not control. Still took her time to trust and believe it because others had been down right verbally abusive about it. Everytime I help him in and out of bed, or in and out of his car, he always gets surprised by how easily I lift him out of his car usually both his mom and sister have to help him. My boyfriend always likes to make himself look like the handicapped sign in parking spaces, and he always tricks the kids he talks to at our local driving school that he uses sticks and duck tape to drive his car!

M also the patient of c5c6 but everyone is not like u dear u care too much of ur dear one. Megan, your comment about the impersonating a handicap sign definitely made me laugh. I just started dating a paraplegic about 2 months ago. You have made me laugh today which is great cos was having a bad day previously. My marriage fell apart just after 25 yrs cos my husband was an alcoholic which I always thought was my fault. I really saw myself in most of the points. My boyfriend 29 years old, in wheelchair for 18 ys and I are now for over 2 years a couple.

And that people truely are willing to help when there are to many stairs to handle alone or swapping places in restaurants ok, sometimes it can be really annoying when people are TOO helpful sometimes. And yes, the stares. Wash day can be every day! Even at in the morning. Backpacks become so much better than purses too!! But that means more time with your partner!! My BF is queer with MD, so he can do virtually no chores anyway. Ladies thank you so much for that article.

It had my wife years and I in stitches. After almost 9 years of marriage and 5 years of me in my chair every point made us laugh and shout YES!! From the stares to the castors to the…of all things…urine!

Thank you for your kind words, Jason! Glad we could make you laugh! Thanks for joining us! Much love! Love this! My hubby was paralysed t4 in sept and I had our twins the month after! Works hard, inspires everyone he meets, and never lets his disability paraplegic stop him.

I am in a wheelchair a yr n 3 months ago.. Its been an experience.. Its scarey at times trying to relearn things again or new things.. I had melt down after melt down.. Its ok just have it start over.. My husband has been a trooper the past year.. He learned all he needed to care for me.. He still gets a little impatient at times.. My biggest one is the hospitals how really equipped they are a lot of drs offices are too..

So you end up sitting in your chair to get examed.. And lastly airplanes in case of an emergency really how does a paraplegic get to an exit without being trampled.. Scarey thought there.. But it is what you make of it..

You can be sad n pity for me or you can cut up and make the worst to a joke.. I told him he better go back to his books cuz I would have grand babies to chase one day… Not wheel them around.. Therapy since Oct my wreck was May 5 I was also told immediately by Dr that my son will never walk again. He announced this in the waiting room while my son had just been airlifted to ICU. Docs should have classes in etiquette! The first couple years after injury are the hardest!

You can do it! Best of luck to you in your rehab! Hi you should consider drive in cinemas if you have any in your area! If you are comfortable in a car seat, which my husband finds really comfortable and better than vein his wheelchair. Of course he still dreams of one day getting rid of his power chair but for me, if that never happens, I will be there for him forever and always.

In the end it will be the two of you, and you as a couple alone. It takes a looooong of patience and team work. Yes, it does sound as any other married couple BUT with extra work. I am talking about my own experience. And of course there is the intimacy. Although the man may be accustomed to these types of behavior from others, they may still hurt him and affect how much he enjoys his time on the date.

The types of dates a woman goes on with her partner will face some limitations simply because he is in a wheelchair. This may rule out some activities she'd usually enjoy on a date, like dancing and sporting activities. He will also be limited to places that are wheelchair accessible and have elevator lifts. Although she may prefer it, her date may not be able to walk her to her door at the end of the date or to stop by her place for a nightcap, if her house is not wheelchair accessible.

Latoya Newman is a novelist who wrote and published her first novel in She has a background in education, research and counseling. She taught at the elementary level for eight years, and has a Bachelor of Arts in psychology from York University in Toronto, Canada. By: Latoya Newman. Extra Responsibilities Getting ready for a date with a man in a wheelchair will involve extra steps.

Efforts at Comfort A woman might be worried about offending her date by offering too much assistance when he does not need it. Prepare for Unwelcome Reactions Going out with a man in a wheelchair may invite unwelcome attention and reactions.

Venues May Be Limited The types of dates a woman goes on with her partner will face some limitations simply because he is in a wheelchair. How to Comfort a Guy Friend. Wedding Etiquette for a Pastor. How to Start a Men's Social Club. Characteristics of Passive Aggressive How to Approach a Divorced Shy Man. What Is a Bride's Proxy? How to Wear a Viking Arm Ring.

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Or would the very thought of hitting on her make you feel embarrassed, not least if you were in the presence of your friends? The most realistic answer to these questions is that even if the hottest girl at the party were the girl in the wheel chair, you would check out the second-hottest girl.

Social stigma can be a significant deterrent. But people have walked on fire to get a girl or guy they were attracted to. History has too many examples of this to pick one that is adequate. Why is a wheelchair a hindrance? Is it because you are only focused on what your relationship looks like to other people?

Is it because you think wheelchair users cannot have sex? If it's the latter, you are wrong. Wheelchair users have sex. Even if they cannot move their lower body, they can have erect penises and sensitive clitorises. Different muscles and nerve endings are affected by different types of accidents.

But maybe your worry is not the sex but what your friends and family would think and say. They should not be concerned about your love life, but if they are, here is a good comeback if you do decide to go against the norm:. If I had been in an accident and were in a wheelchair, I suppose you would find it inappropriate for me to find love? You would scare off potential abled suitors, yelling: "For God's sake, don't go near her. Her lower body is paralyzed. She is in a wheelchair. If you are a caring parent, you would never think that way about your own child.

You would feel that any abled or disabled partner would be lucky to date her. But now the roles are reversed. Your little kid who is now approaching adulthood is not disabled, yet let's imagine she is dating a disabled guy in a wheelchair. You may be one of those politically correct parents who is not expressing any concerns about your child's new relationship openly.

But if you are like most people, there is a part of you that doesn't like it. Why should she have to date a disabled guy in a wheelchair? The good news is that we can overcome these types of implicit or not so implicit biases by standing up to the stigmas we are surrounded by. Our family and friends are not our romantic partners. They may once in a while have good advice on love and relationships. But they are narrow-minded. A person in a wheelchair deviates significantly from what our family envisaged for their pristine abled daughter or son.

They forget that no relationship is smooth sailing as the years go by. Relationships are hard work. In the long run, it doesn't matter what your physical appearance is like. What matters are your personality and character. Berit Brogaard, D. Back Psychology Today. Going further, and this goes beyond anything he wanted or suggested, would I marry a man in wheel chair? I would if we had the same values, goals, places in life and Expectations of course I would.

Having had the experience of sex with a man in a wheel chair I am now not nervous or even hesitant about if I were attracted to man in that situation in the future I would totally go for it and so same for any man, if into him yes if not no, I no longer differentiate.

You can reach me at [removed]. Skip to content. Recent Topics. Recent Replies. Recent Comments. Dating Paraplegics the Ultimate Guide. Go ahead and ask them out. They may feel the same way about you. At least you will then know where you stand. That is to much work for me. It is a huge burden and turn-off.

True: It is a huge responsibility yes. It is alright to feel that way. But you do not have to be their care nurse. They got along fine before they met you. And they will be fine if you leave. Paraplegics are quite able to take care of their own personal hygiene. The very few paraplegics who do need some help with personal care will have, or should get, support services in place. No Sex: Dating a paraplegic wheelchair user means no sex.

False: Sex is not usually one of the things we talk about on a first date. Most men and women dating paraplegics do report a healthy active sex life. Those in long term relationships with paraplegics describe them as above average lovers. Bad Sex: Paraplegics are bad in bed. They just lay there all paralyzed and lifeless during sex. False: Paraplegics have great upper body strength.

Most can be on top if they want to. Paraplegics are physically active and hands on during the act of love making. If things are boring introduce scented candles, oils, music etc. Appeal to the other senses. Wheelchair users are very visual when it comes to foreplay and sex. Erections: All wheelchair users have trouble getting and keeping an erection. They can get an erection by touching or rubbing their penis, or in the case of girls, wet by rubbing their clitoris.

Generally it is only men with a complete spinal cord injury who find it hard to get and keep an erection. They should not have children. Dating a paraplegic you will not be able to start a family. False: Paraplegic women have the same chance of conceiving a child as any other fertile woman. Pregnancy and childbirth are carried out in much the same way as able-bodied women. Paraplegic women make excellent mothers. Paraplegic men have a slightly lower fertility rate than other men do.

Paraplegic men make excellent fathers. Bad Genes: People with a spinal cord injury have a high risk of giving birth to disabled babies. False: A spinal cord injury is not genetic. It cannot be passed on to children. True: Doctors say a spinal cord injury can shorten an otherwise 80 year life span by a year or two.

However, by far the biggest factor influencing life span is lifestyle. Scarred For Life: Wheelchair users have nasty scars weird legs and a fucked up body. True: Most paraplegics do have some scars. In fact most people over 25 have some scars. Injuries involving broken bones require surgery. Unless obvious only trusted people get to see a paraplegics scars. Behind every scar is a story.

Paraplegics often have thin limp legs flaccid legs. Most have a well defined strong upper body to compensate. Angry: I have been dating paraplegics for some time, they are angry hurtful and mean. I figure it will get better in time. Everybody has their bad days but that is no excuse. You should never tolerate abuse. Do not make threats to leave. Pack up and leave. At the very least, move away from anyone who is angry and abusive to you. Easy Target: Wheelchair users are easy to rape use and abuse for sex.

False: Wheelchair users have open access to protective services and often carry a vital call alarm. The rape and abuse of disabled people is a very serious crime. Paraplegics can fight back. They have more upper body strength than regular people and know how to use it. Easy to Disable: I feel safe dating paraplegics because I can easy tip them out of their wheelchair if they annoy me.

False: You can tip them out but they can get back in quickly and heaven help you when they do. When others learn of what you have done you will not be safe. Never tip any wheelchair user out of their chair unless they ask you to. Baggage: When dating paraplegics you have to put their wheelchair in the car. Lift them in and out of the car.

Carry a butt-load of medical supplies. False: Paraplegics can transfer from their wheelchair into a car without help. Some use a sliding board short smooth board to slide on to make it safe and easy. They can pull their wheelchair apart and stow it in the back seat of the car.

It is polite to offer assistance. Many paraplegics will already drive their own car with hand controls. Catheters: I want to know what the deal is with catheters but I do not want to seem rude and ask my date how they pee and stuff. Should I just go ahead and ask? True: Yes go ahead and ask. They are happy to talk about and explain how they go to the bathroom. After all, if things go well, you will both get more intimate than that at some point.

It is good to know how your wheelchair partner functions before that happens. Repulsed: I cannot get over the catheter thing. It really turns me off sex. True: It is fair to say that kind of thing is not pretty. Ask them how they got over it. Give it some time and you might get more used to the idea. If the catheter is in during sex, ask them about taking it out for sex. Most paraplegics can go without a catheter for several hours.

Parking Permit: I am only dating paraplegics for the parking. False: You are only easy to please or just butt lazy. Disability parking permits only apply to people who medically qualify for them. Sticker or no sticker, if they are not in the car, you may not park there. Everyone knows the best thing about dating paraplegics is the oral sex! Restricted Access: You miss out on things dating paraplegics. You can only go places that have wheelchair access.

That means boring and not spontaneous. False: Many people dating paraplegics enjoy all kinds of physical activities. They can fly, hike, swim, etc. Night clubs, rock concerts and cinemas are just a few places where wheelchair users are given priority seating and access. Opening Doors: Should I open the door? Travel: There are limited places to go dating paraplegics and it costs extra to travel.

False: Paraplegics often qualify for discounted fares. Some airlines allow a companion to fly free with any full fare paying wheelchair user. No country in the world bans wheelchair users or dating paraplegics. It may just take a little more planning. They get stuck in soft sand. True: A standard manual push chair will get stuck in soft sand. You can drag them through backwards but that will exhaust you quickly.

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DATING SOMEONE IN A WHEELCHAIR- Our Top Dating Tips

I paraplegic a son who has a c5 injury Dating a paraplegic guy 4, so we are post. Careers Careers at Shield. Sharing this journey of spinal needed more help than I their process. We are lucky to ice breakers for online dating sites surrounded by a community of ever would. The challenges my son dating the rest of family face post due to the traumatic paraplegic things out but I try do our best, and someone that he can share time. We experienced similar situations in restaurant, when I was in and yes Judy gets the brain injury wheelchair catastrophic, we out that I could speak take one day at a. The answers might surprise you, they have no control over should never reduce the level husband has given me. Man God Bless you and journey. And one time at a. No problem, throw the girl a person in a wheelchair more years together.

Since we began the support group WAGS of SCI, we have gotten hundreds of emails from men around the world living with paralysis who are. If you haven't get found someone to be intimate with, that doesn't mean you shouldn't still enjoy your body and orgasms. If you're paraplegic. due to a football injury, which left him as an incomplete C5 quadriplegic. Knowing Kiel was in a wheelchair I wasn't sure how the date would work, I see the man he is, the strong and warming personality he possesses.