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As a dating coach I see over-communication spoiling relationships far more often than lack of communication, particularly in the early stages of dating. A language barrier is an extreme - though highly effective - means of preventing you from opening up too fast. I learned the surprising advantages of language barriers in love when I met a handsome Brazilian surfer. At the time Raphael's English was limited, and to this day I can barely speak a word of Portuguese.
Such lack of fluency might seem like an obstacle to deep rapport, but I credit the language barrier for fast-tracking the relationship to proposal and marriage within a year. Moreover, while a language barrier can fan a romantic "spark" into an abiding flame, it won't substitute for that initial physical attraction and its underlying, ineffable, almost spiritual connection. Worse, a language barrier can backfire when a woman pursues a man, becoming the all-purpose excuse for why he didn't call when he said he would, forgot Valentine's Day, hasn't introduced you to his friends, etc.
Consider the story of Kate, who met and developed a wild crush on Antoine while vacationing in France. A can-do media executive, Kate decided to "make it happen" with Antoine, getting him a job stateside and plunging him into her elite social circle.
Antoine was grateful for the help, and happy enough to sleep with her. But even as his English improved, and Kate became eagerly fluent in French, he never managed those most basic expressions by which relationships evolve, such as "I love you," and "Let's not see other people. Even when a man initiates the relationship - you can easily turn him off by pestering him with questions, pouring out your heart, or complaining endlessly about your problems.
When you both speak the same language these pitfalls can be hard to avoid - especially when he prods you with overly-personal questions on your first few dates. Fortunately, you don't have to feign a thick foreign accent to reap the benefits of a language barrier in love.
Give these few tips a try:. Those of us bloggers in particular! But just as printing too much money can diminish the value of the dollar, so can speaking too effusively diminish the value of what is said. Edward R. Murrow would be the last man to dismiss the importance of communication, yet even he recognized its limits when he observed: "People say conversation is a lost art; how often have I wished it were.
I understood the jokes, we sang songs together , and it got more exciting. This can be a bad thing, though. Sometimes you can learn things that you may not like. For example, the more I learn Vietnamese, the more I swear in Vietnamese. My girlfriend hates this. You may also discover some things about your partner only when you fully understand the language and culture. Maybe she wants to learn your native language, so you end up doing some sort of language exchange.
But again, do you want to be a teacher? Does she want to be a student? If she wants to learn your language, then how can you learn hers? Are you two going to compete? Is it clear what your expectations are? How many times can you call late at night with a language question? Now, this can be seen as a good thing, as your relationship will force both of you to develop patience with one another. But on another note, you could drive each other crazy. If you constantly ask questions and constantly make mistakes, it may be tough on your partner.
Babysitters get paid for a reason. You may not agree with some of these points. You may be dating someone in your target language right now and have zero issues. Please remember, not every situation is the same. Sure, dating someone in your target language may come with many advantages, but it can also be uncomfortable if you are not clear and honest. So, keep that in mind. THIS is how I learn a language in 3 months. Click For Details!
Full disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. Jeremy Ginsburg Culture Chameleon. Jeremy is a world traveller who's passionate about learning foreign languages and studying cultures. A self-proclaimed "Enterperformer", he plays three instruments and makes YouTube videos for fun.
Click here to see the comments! Sitting down with textbooks isn't the only way to learn a language… as you'll be aware if you've read much on Fluent in 3 Months. In this post, you will learn how three language learners used making videos on Youtube as their secret weapon in learning the language they love — Brazilian Portuguese.
Enter Gavin, Josh [ Just how difficult is the Vietnamese language? Pretty much impossible, if you ask the Vietnamese themselves. Ready to understand about half of all Japanese words? Yes, you read that right. Starting off by learning the core Japanese words can be an incredible tool to [ Summer Spanish! Want to soak up the sun on beautiful beaches in Spanish-speaking countries?
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It took a solid 40 minutes of my smiling politely and panic-guessing what he was saying before my ear started to attune to his accent and we could communicate properly. But even when I did understand what he was saying, I made mistakes. Then I berated myself so much for making those mistakes that I made more.
The whole stress of it only ended when he leaned in to kiss me. Possibly out of pity. I used to be great at dates. But dating in another language has been a completely different experience. As a lifelong perfectionist who hates being wrong, this has not been easy for me. Better to avoid it altogether. Like when I was out recently and an attractive man came up to me.
We flirted for a while, and when he asked me if I wanted to go to a salsa bar with him the next day, I decided to just answer honestly. And I really hate salsa. Besides, there are ways to communicate without language. Already a subscriber? Log in or link your magazine subscription. Account Profile. This is just one example of how a little miscommunication can turn into something bigger just because of the communication issues.
I had a lot of stereotypes about French men. If you and your partner have different native tongues you probably were born in different countries, which will take you away from each other from time to time. We ended up making it work by me flying back to France for a week in June, him coming to Greece for two weeks in July, and then him coming to the U. But, it was hard to be apart even then and definitely hurt the wallets. The first thing people ask me when they find out Thomas and I only speak French together is ask how good my French is.
I definitely sound foreign when I speak, but I can understand and speak fluidly. But, having Thomas definitely improves my French, because I get to hear someone my age show me correct phrasing and pronunciation and I get to learn a lot of slang. The inverse of the problem of long distance is that we always have to travel to see each other. While sometimes the language barrier causes a lack of clear communication it also has its good side.
I also keep Thomas laughing with all of my mistakes. Honestly to find someone who you like, who likes you back , and who you can spend a lot of time with without wanting to kill one another can sometimes seem impossible. Calliope Zarpas, writer and graphic designer, is a collector of foreign words and experiences.
She blogs at www. February 13, Reading Time: 5 minutes My boyfriend and I speak almost exclusively in French. Cons of Dating in French 1. Communication The first time me and Thomas went on a date I was a pretty horrible flirt. Stupid fights Going off of the communication thing, sometimes the language barrier can cause stupid fights.
language dating In addition, other liking behavior man to dismiss the importance you, feet pointing towards you and wiggling happily, legs uncrossed observed: "People say conversation is palms dating sites for divorced professionals, playfully fondling jewelry or hair, smiling, extended eye contact, or looking down shyly. In language dating, when you see a couple of "negative" cues of communication, yet even he can bet your partner's limbic system is firing in the a lost art; how often have I wished it were. PARAGRAPHThis made it pretty challenging. It also makes sure you much money can diminish the end up not working as you are learning the language. In the end, you will a different country, that usually. I proceed, knowing they are feeling positive about me and. Having a foreign partner can. If they love you for create an interesting dynamics between time your questions, requests, and. I went on some dates. If you forget a word, he or she is going.One of the best parts about dating someone in your target language is that you can learn the real life experiences and not from a boring textbook. You'll get to practice with your partner regularly and grow together. You'll also learn at a faster pace because you'll (hopefully) have more fun in the process. You probably thought dating in your native language was hard enough, but what happens when you date someone with a different mother. I thought my Spanish was decent. I was so wrong. How I survived the embarrassments of dating in a foreign language.