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By Prae Sakaowan Feb. Dating Despair is a four-part series about why dating in Bangkok, well … sucks. This story is a collection of anecdotes from Thai women who live in the capital. One recent afternoon, in a group chat between six Thai women who went to college together, Belle sent a candid photo of a decent-looking man she came across in her diplomatic career. I like him. Help me! I remember receiving eerily similar messages from my childhood friends, high-school friends, and even former colleagues — poorly taken photos of guys with hopeful captions that illustrate their anticipation and excitement at the possibility of romance — but most of the time, those feelings are left unspoken.
Think about the invisible office girls in ballet flats that you look right through on the BTS, the good girls who live with their parents in the suburbs, or the intense career women who receive more messages on LinkedIn than Tinder. Ying, 30, said she had had a crush on her current boyfriend long before they went out. Even though he was Korean — and so, perhaps, not so judgmental — she waited for him to make the first move.
I feel that men value the women they ask out more [than the women who ask them out]. So, while chatting and giggling to friends about guys you like may be hilarious, the sad truth is that many Thai women seem to put themselves in the relatively hopeless position of playing the waiting game — just praying that the men they like will like them back and take the initiative.
Photo: Courtesy of Tuna Dunn. Thai culture is really traditional. In fact, approaching someone in public is not common — and even frowned upon — in a culture where people are not expected to engage with strangers and can now keep their noses glued to their smartphones in public. But by avoiding that kind of small talk, the chances of finding love outside their social circles is very slim and leaves them with a tiny dating pool.
Nicha, 29, has also never been on a date, a situation that is not uncommon in Thailand. Advertising, TV, and media in general dictate that, for a Thai woman to be beautiful, she must have light skin, a pointy nose, and a petite body yet with extremely large breasts. Belle looks traditionally Thai — petite and tan-skinned. Few of them would.
When they date Westerners, they often find the men treat Thai women far differently than they would women in their home countries. Not every thai women are the same. All your posts about younger women and older men reflect are your own insecurities and prejudices.
You are entitled to your opinions, but they are nothing more than that. Your believing or wishing it doesn't make it so, and your general propositions do not govern concrete cases. Muzzique I am not sure about a 19 yr age gap being "love" but I suppose it is possible. Just because she is Thai does not mean she is not human. I think on some levels, the old man knows it is not love As a woman, it is very disturbing that some men are happy with a girl 30 - 40 yrs younger, with nothing in common with them, nothing to discuss, etc.
Often, the man cannot even perform in bed. If it were your daughter and an old man wanted to date her, probably you would want to kill the old man. Why treat poor girls differently from the way you would want your daugters to be treated? Actually, a politician in Thailand recently advised young women there to marry a foreigner as a way out of "a life of misery".
Everyone knows it goes on and has been for a long time. Life is very difficult there so you cannot blame the women too much; for these women, it is often either a choice between selling their bodies to tons of men or just one.
Blame the old perverts who go there to bed young girls. I was just laid off a job becauae my 70 year old bosses 37 year old bought in Thailand wife hated the thought that we were alone at work everyday. Trust me when I say I have zero interest in him and I tried being her feiend but she's nuts! Unlike what I've always heard, she does absolutely nothing all day and all night.
Will not cook, clean, do laundry, nothing. LaIest human I've ever met. She had to have a hysterectomy so she can't have children. Wants his three kids out of his will and thinks she knows how to run a business because she worked in purchasing for 3 years at a company that went belly up in Thailand. Because she demands that he support everyone she has known since birth in Thailand, he has drained his company of almost all the money. What he hasn't sent to Thailand, he puts in her savings account.
He even pays her "Pastor" over 1, I'm thinking he's her 'brother" as they like to call their boyfriend in Thailand. She is always telling people how old her husband is and that nobody would want him and then be all sweet to him in the next breath.
I think men need to wake up if they honestly think that these "women" really love them. To me they are nothing but glorified prostitutes and I have zero respect for them.. I actually pity them. If they think we American women are jealous of them, they need to get real. Dude, if you are so happy with your Thai bride thwn that's great but don't try to make it seem like all maeeiagesike yours is as good. I hate seeing a woman demean herself by marrying someone older than her dad just doesn't money.
That's just gross. Shows no moral values and I wish the government would see this is nothing but a way for these women to get out of their country. Much what is said about Thai women can be said for women in any country. However, thinking young women do not fall for older men is BS. Lauren Bacall was 19 when she fell for Bogey who was It is going to depend upon class and charm. Younger men usually are not stable and more apt to cheat.
If you are only 25 and fat and ugly being young is not going to help. Men- young, beautiful women do not want you if you aren't young and handsome. Get a clue here. I am 27 and none of my friends would take a man over 40 years old seriously unless he was George Clooney or something. Date women your own age, lol. I just think having dated in Germany, Italy, and Korea, language can always be a problem, culture and for the most part being honest. I just to be myself, language is about for the most part, be patient enough to help each other learn.
I have had girlfriends in a lot of different part of the world, but, am alway open minded to culture and language. I guess, what am saying is my girlfriends have always loved me, protected me, as I do them. I use walk out in Italy and Germany, my only thought was I love people. Crazy, but people no matter where I was love me.. I think there is a lot of generalisation here and also many views of Thai women that I have found here are very wrong. If you visit Thailand and head for the locations where most foreign men head you will find the kind of girls there that it attracts.
There is a view that foreign men are rich and that can attract girls who are seeking that, but my understanding from the Thai women that I have met is that most prefer foreign men because of the poor way Thai men treat them. Needless to say I have always kept away from the locations where tourists and typical Thai visitors go and keep to the more unspoilt places where traditional Thai culture still thrives.
You can make a lot of mistakes by not researching where to go and it important to have someone on the ground who knows the lie of the land and also the people who live there. I was very lucky to stumble on an agency run by an English guy who has been married to a Thai girl for the past 16 years located in the North East of Thailand in Issan.
Before I even set foot in Thailand I spent a long time talking to him and her about the reality of meeting and marrying a Thai girl and what I needed to be aware of. It was a real reality check and helped me understand what I was entering into and what would be expected of me.
Family bonds are strong in Thailand and you need to be aware you are marrying into the family and you would be expected to support them if required. Same as you would in any other family and the same way is expected of all family members in Thailand. There is no social security and no free health care so be aware, she will love her family and if you love her you would be expected to care about the people she cares about.
That is expected of you. Understand the consequences of not doing that on your partners love for you so be aware, a degree of financial support is part and parcel of the culture you are marrying into. She goes shopping and will buy the normal things a girl needs. I once offered her money to pay a mobile phone bill of hers and ended up in the dog house.
She told me that if I thought she was that kind of girl I should take her to the gold shop and buy her gold. I learnt my lesson I can tell you. Age gaps do work but if you are 50 with a 21 year old realise that there is a big difference in your and their view on life and question the reason they are with you. As a rule of thumb anything over 22 years is too much. My age gap is 19 years and we are fine.
I know one guy who has a 43 year age gap and he and his wife are perfectly happy so there are exceptions to any rule. Thai wives are subservient to meant to a degree as they see it as a duty to look after their man however ever girls personality is different. My partner is both subservient and submissive but I have met others who are subservient in terms of how they view their duties within relating to their home and husband but definitely wear the pants beyond that.
It is the same in every culture, that women differ in personality as do men so see beyond the cultural aspects to the person to see who and how they are. In my experience Thai women prefer you to take the lead. My partner will never call me but waits for me to call her. She prefers I tell her when I will call rather than ask her if she is available to talk.
There is definitely a view that you need to take decisions and lead the way. She wants me t chose what she wears, where we live and want we eat. My partner is more submissive in this way but in general that leading role is expected of you. Thai girls are shy in public and at behind closed doors too. Kissing is a very uncomfortable thing for them to do so try to respect their view.
I get away with holding hands but that about as far as it goes. In place of a kiss a girl will smell you in an affectionate way. Be prepared to sniff her back. There are different types of Thai women and the good ones will prefer to wait till after marriage for any sexual relationship. This also applies to girls how have been married before. Whilst they can bend the rules be aware that if you do not marry them they will carry some decree of shame in others eyes so try to be respectful.
That will gain you respect in their eyes and in the eyes of the family which you will probably be joining. That a good thing believe me if you want to keep your new wife happy. If you do decide to go away with your partner she is probably working so understand the family will be a financial disadvantage. Try to find out how much she will lose in money and offer to make it up to her. It will not be much but it shows you care.
When you marry you will be expected to pay a dowry to the family to thank them for bringing her up. It seals the passing of the responsibility to you from her family. It ranges from , to , Baht. It is not a good idea to haggle too much unless it is unreasonable. It will make her feel she is not valuable to you and that you care more about money than love. If you are lucky enough to live in the EU and can get a job in another EU country you can bypass the complex visa system for member states.
After she arrives and if you have children she can claim citizenship as the mother of a child from a member state. Alternatively the visa will enable her to stay long enough to claim citizenship by residency. It saves months of waiting and masses of paperwork not to say the huge costs member states charge now for processing marriage visas.
Marrying in Thailand is pretty simple so I would advise that route if possible,. Try to avoid meeting someone is a bar or club. They are not places nice girls want to be seen Try to avoid going to those places or sharing pictures of you drinking or in bars.
Thai girls associate bars with bar girls and you do not want to give her the wrong idea of how you live. Most Thai girls are shy to ask for help when they are struggling with something. Try to listen to what she says. She will leave clues that there is an issue then you need to lead into the offer to help.
Try not to avoid offering help when none is needed. Again you can end up feeling her offended side. Thai girls are very possessive when it comes to their man so try not to do anything to fire their jealousy. You will not come out of it well. Comments about how another girl looks or looks at girls who may be walking around in more provocative outfits will not help your journey towards marriage. Most dating agencies in Thailand are licence to print money.
Photo-shopped pictures and girls looking for rich guys are the norm. In 2 years you will be 50 years old old enough to be a grandfather she is young enough to be your daughter. Women in thailand are no different than women in western country. It just Thai women are poorer so they have to do things they don't really want to do. Women are attracted to handsome men just like men are attracted to beautiful women. If you aren't handsome in her eyes, then there is nothing you can do about it.
Young Thai women don't fall in love with oldmen, they fall in love with their wallets ATM. It's healthier because as you age, you will need someone who can understand you and can talk to you. You be will at the same stage of life where you need a mature, smart and understanding partner. I disagree about 5 in pros, about personal hygiene Gosh, your girl must have come from a very clean family.
My ex bf had lots of friends who had large families and I would generally rate their hygiene level as one of the worst on the planet! In fact, this is one of the reasons we broke up, while I don't consider myself a super clean person. I do agree with 2 from cons a lot! I have been kicked out from the house like a homeless dog numerous times while his extremely dirty and unfriendly mom have been called a "second god"! He would never understand my emotional breakdowns and would stay cold and passive during arguments calling me animal for raising my voice at him.
It might be just him and his friends, but those who are interested in exotic cultures beware! I've read your story and i really feel sorry. Recently I also met in Europe a Thai girl, not so young as yours. We ve have been dating like 1,5 month. In the beginning she was texting me like hell.
On our last date she was really a cold person, totally completely uninterested in me, and i got no more text messages from her. I really thought i did something wrong. Still have no clue why she was reacting like that she also said she a sick mother.
It was if i was walking next to a ghost. But she could say these weird things which a normal person in the West normally would never say. Since i am working in the aviation industry, she asked me in between if i was able to get cheap tickets! On our third date already!! For our second date she already wanted to go to a Spa weekend with me! During the 1,5 month i ve seen her, i simply could never read her. She was never asking to my emotions and sometimes she was really a cold figure although she always wanted to stay friend.
Ow yes, i fell in love with her. I ve read your story as well and there are some similarities. We both fell in love. Did you do something wrong?? No it just happened. But you have to understand this is simply a chemical progress in the brains. Your brains are producing dopamines, endorfines while seeing her and your body is screaming for more and more. While "missing" her your body enters a rehab stage. Compare it with taking drugs. This process has nothing to do with loving somebody.
When u are with her after a while, this "falling in love process" simply stops and you would see a different person in front of you. And this might be not so nice as in your dreams. You just did not realize what was happening to you and she was taking advantage of that. The same for me, i was in love but was also the big pay master! So were you. Apparently it is in their culture that a man needs to pay for everything which is somehow a clash with our western culture.
Like you i am also a gentleman but there is a point where you simply have to say :"STOP" and close your wallet. Just to protect you. It is very easy for others to say that you were naive. You were not, you were in a vulnerable postion and somebody took advantage of that. You did not recognize the symptoms, you did not know anything of the thai culture.
It will take time to get over it now, but you will. There is absolutely nothing wrong in wanting to have a thai girlfriend, but next time, try to stay a bit more rational, try to make a difference between falling in love and loving her, dont waste your time with bar girls and go to normal places where you meet daily women in daily life.
It's true that you were vulnerable when you went to Thailand. Coming out of a broken relationship is possibly the worst time to be searching for new love, especially exotic new love. You need to let time pass to get some perspective. Going to Thailand as a tourist and falling in love with a younger, beautiful woman is a common story.
Just as common is the outcome, often a sad one. The comment by Girl is very wise and all of us blokes need to take it on board. Truthfully, if you are unlikely to find love in your home country with a much younger woman, why on earth expect it somewhere else? If you are serious about a relationship with a Thai woman or the like, then start researching the subject seriously.
Find out about the culture from reputable sources. Look at the experiences of others who have gone before, avoiding the mistakes they have made. Find someone closer to your own age, likely a woman who is divorced and may have children.
Even in this case, she will have other reasons apart from your good looks and personality for entering the relationship, though love will grow as you accept this and commit yourself to her. I am very happily married to a Thai woman who fits the description in the previous paragraph, so it can work and it can be very good. But you need to be cautious in your approach and realistic in your thinking. I do not understand.
Why would you think a 24 year old, beautiful girl, would be in love with a year old man? Does this seem reasonable to you? I am not trying to be cruel, but have some common sense. People need to grow up, accept that they have grown older, and either date people close to their own age or be alone. If you really want a trophy, get rich and get in shape.
Don't expect someone to be with you for no reason other than that you like them. I'm 48 and had my first trip to Thailand with 2 mates 6 months ago. I was very excited but very vulnerable after a relationship breakup some six months earlier. In my 10 days there I took home 2 bar girls. Amazingly beautiful and I was mesmerised by them. I went back to Australia obsessed with the country.
I kept in touch with one of them who I wanted to be my girlfriend. But I couldn't understand why she had to keep sleeping with men for a living. I never sent her money and this stopped and she would go crazy. I thought I had learnt my lesson but no! No sooner I was back in Australia I booked another holiday in 6 months time. We became friends on Facebook. She was stunning. She used to send me random pictures of the beaches and remote scenery with words like " you should be here".
She was sucking me in big time. I really thought she wanted to be with me. I asked her to stay with me on my next trip. She could take me places and I thought we would have a lot of fun together. After a while she said yes. She did ask at one stage what I wanted from her. I said that we would sleep together. Me meaning sex. I asked her how she felt about the age difference me being She said she had no problems because she would be happy doing things that ade her happy and people would see that.
I asked her how she felt about us sexually. No reply. A couple of weeks before my trip she asks if I can do her a favour and buy her some perfume in Australia as she can't get it there and she would give me the money. I said no I'm happy to buy it as a gift. I then bought her earrings as a surprise. Then when I'm about to board the plane I find out she is away in another part of Thailand with a girlfriend and won't be there on the 5 th as she said.
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