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But some Jews do want to date other Jews. But it is limiting. In my work covering dating for the Forward over the past two-and-a-half years, I have met hundreds and hundreds of people who are trying to find love with another Jewish person. I only dated The Non-Jew for a short time, but thanks to the Jewish calendar it was still onerous. I reenacted the Purim story, broke down the symbolism of the Seder plate, tried to reacquaint myself with the Omer.
It could have been worse. I imagined the hundreds of questions he would have if he ever spotted a group of Jews moaning and huffing spices around a column of flame, or as it is known by some, Havdalah. He was tall, but that can mean anything these days, what with access to animal proteins. He was polite, but politeness is a side effect of any number of ethnic and religious backgrounds. He grew up on the Upper West Side, which might as well have thrown my Jewdar into a bucket of whitefish.
He wore thick-frame eyeglasses, but those have become omnipresent in a way that precludes them any longer being a shibboleth for members of the tribe. I tried to draw him out. I brought up Jewish TV shows — nothing. I name-dropped Jewish lifecycle events — nope. Finally I got him, on Passover. He had a crazed mid-Atlantic accent with a slight-lisp, like a Kennedy who was raised at a truck stop. This is where I have to disagree with him. Spare me blond, bacon-colored men and their tedious brags about how much their ancestors flourished on the Mayflower, I say!
Give me a man whose eyebrows you could jump in to hide from Hitler. This is it, I told myself. My last non-Jew, or at least the last person I date who only interacts with Judaism as a meme. My dad called me on a Friday afternoon. I had plans to go axe-throwing with a former Evangelical. This time I had been actively deluding myself.
My evidence that this man was Jewish was that he had the first name of a Torah patriarch, and brown hair. Case closed, I thought. He was certainly loitering around Sinai! Wrong again. As we trotted through Union Square on our second date, I tried interfaith dialogue. The power of good works! Loving and praising one god! Axe-throwing is where you go to a dungeon-like space and pay all of your money to throw rusty blades at a wall.
It is bowling, for people who are so cynical about the American healthcare system that they want to demonstrate its uselessness. I was paralyzed with anxiety. The non-Jew might as well have taken me golfing on top of an active volcano. Axe-throwing, I felt, demonstrated exactly why I needed to lie down in a JCC parking lot and wait for a man or the elements to take me. I was taught to treat my safety as a family heirloom that had been carried around Europe, across an ocean, and through depressions and wars.
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